A year ago, BFD and I exchanged email for the first time . . . for hours.  It was amazing and led within days to the best first date ever.

Right now, we’re not in a good place.  We may get back there, but we may not.  I am still dating him, still having sex with him (it’s seriously outstanding sex), and still talking to him nearly daily, even though he was a cranky dick last night when I called to tell him some exciting news about my aunt.

What I realized after my big family trip, which he essentially paid for, is I am over his bullshit and not willing to be Penelope to his Odysseus for much longer.

I am not closing the door completely . . . he is in therapy, talking opening with me about what he and his therapist are discussing, and working on his issues.

I am struggling to find the right tone, which is hard because I am quickly losing interest in his brusqueness, so I counter that by being unnecessarily cold, which causes him to overreact in one way or another and the circle begins again.

I have decided to be with him who I am with other people — vivacious, charming, affectionate.  JerkFace told me yesterday that he saw more chemistry with Hot Neighbor than with BFD when we all went to dinner on Tuesday.  (I was exhausted and cranky.)  He was right, though, I held BFD at arm’s length and treated friends with more affection.

Tonight, he is booked with work and a family obligation.  He is not aware it’s important, or even what the date is.  I will be heading to a party because I know I will see Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, who I bumped into again a couple of weeks ago.  I don’t know that i will date him either, but it makes sense to test it.  He is not in the running for Mr. Plan, but he is handsome and charismatic and famous in our little world and being with him is always entertaining and filled with new faces.

I got the word that BP will be moving forward on BFD’s deal, on a smaller scale BFD will prefer.  That will shift our relationship, again.

After a year of knowing BFD, we are both different people than we were when we started.  No matter what happens, this day is special to me because it brought him into my life.

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