Nina Simone was playing at the bar tonight where I grabbed a quick post-workout dinner, but I am feeling good. I really am.
There are a lot of shitty things going on — stress with BFD, financial pressure, problems with BP, etc., ad nauseam, but I am feeling good.
Tonight, I had my Tuesday workout and it rocked. BFD and I have been working behind the scenes on something and it’s paying off and everyone is thrilled.
Even better, I feel long and lithe. I look stronger, I have definition in my arms and legs that I’ve never had before and an old girlfriend told me tonight that I “have the body of a dancer” in this matter of fact way that just threw me. Seriously, I don’t but wow.
I walk with confidence and purpose and I am again planning as I used to. I can see the future I want and I have a plan to get there.
It’s hard to explain the shift I feel inside my own head, but it has happened. I feel different. I feel like a good version of me again. I am completely confident walking into a space. I have a little coterie forming at the workout, completely disconnected from BFD, but interestingly, I mentioned that one of the men was “dear to me” while the other two were close friends of mine.
I loved holding court and introducing people I’ve gotten to know separately to each other. I loved being mistaken for the trainer — we do slightly resemble each other, except she’s gorgeous and incredibly graceful.
I loved that people look to me, one of the newer people, for approval, like it means something. Which it doesn’t.
When things click for me, I exude energy and charisma and charm. Like it flows out of me and changes the world around me. I smile more, I take charge, I draw people in and it changes the dynamics of everything else. I am beginning to feel a new movement in myself, that as I move, I own the world. I am not ashamed of myself or my current circumstances. Instead, I feel like me.