I have been missing LP.

I know it’s early, but I really like him. We’re very similar . . . and since I am a narcissist, well, I am kinda crazy about him.

Last week, we exchanged hundreds of texts, talked on the phone until the wee hours (including after we’d just seen each other), and I saw him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. With him busy and ill, we have been exchanging texts, but we’ve not seen each other or spoken. Plus, last night, he had his kid.

Tonight, I have been freaking a little, and missing him a lot. I have no set plans for the weekend. I have party invites for every day and no date. I have BFD coming back tomorrow, with a big meeting, our workout, and quite likely, dinner.

So, all evening long, I have been finding things to do to not call LP. I want desperately to hear his voice, but I know he’s busy with work and life and whatever.

I called BFD and had a really nice talk. Tender, even. It was nice to hear him. I kept it business-y, he addressed me very personally, and we’re excited about our conference call tomorrow.

I called BP. No answer.

Then, I called LP. I know I should have waited, but I called him. It rang 4 times and suddenly, he answered. It didn’t quite sound like him though, and he seemed confused, so I said, “It’s [The Planner].” And he said something like “oh, hey . . . can I ring you later?” I quickly apologized and he said, softening, “no, it’s fine, we’ll talk later.” Okay, fine. Busy guy, no big deal.

No freakout yet.

Within one minute, I got a text: ” I am with [ex], sorry”

First thought: abject horror: oh my God, how embarrassing.

Second thought: humor: dude, that’s why they invented voice mail! WTF. Why did you answer????

Third thought: freak-out: does he mean “with” her, like “I am with her now, I’m sorry.”

Yeah, I went there. And frankly, still a little there.

Of course it doesn’t make sense. Even if that were what he meant, he would not say that, in that way, so quickly, over text. Knowing LP, it would be way dramatic and horrible.

He meant, I am so sorry I cannot talk to you now because I am with my ex-wife. I mean, I know that, but still, it’s been a little challenging to talk myself down when the hormones are in place, I am bloated, and I feel like crap. Grrrrrr.

Still, I am waiting for him to call me because while I am okay, that little voice in the back of my head is saying “I am with her now, I’m sorry.”

Especially since he has not yet called.

Were I to really unpack the emotion, it has as much to do with the presence of BFD in my life. We’re on a break, but not done-done . . . yeah, I know I am a terrible person who has not yet gotten around to telling him we’re done. Yes, he sort of broke up with me and the whole “incredibly hot sex is not enough,” but we are still technically dating a bit and it’s all complicated and weird. Since I am still caught up in stuff with my ex, he could be as well. Also, he’s an attractive, successful guy, so he may very well be juggling multiple women.

Three hours later, rather than call, LP texted another apology, told me he’d had a bad evening, and updated on something important to him. I sent him back a question and he’s been silent for 30 minutes, still not calling, so I am already pondering deleting him from my phone.

I fucking hate pms. And right now, I hate him, too.

Dating is awesome. Dating with PMS is awesomer.

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I finally heard back from him Thursday morning, just a brief answer about the house, so I texted him directly: “i’d like to see you at some point this weekend. available?”

One direct, non-game-playing message from me and we’re back on track. He is actually busier than BFD, between his intense work and joint custody, he has a lot going on. He replied back: “Will make myself so for you… [and then described what was going on with work and the kid].” We exchanged a few more messages, expressing our longing to see each other, and then agreed to get back to work. All of this still before 830.

Again, I hate pms, but now I am smiling.

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