I just wrote a very long post about last night’s date with LP. The long version has a 2114 word count.
The short version is we grabbed a late dinner downtown, made out in the elevator as we picked his car up from his office, and he drove me home and then returned to the office for 8 more hours of work, after having made all of his employees wait and work while we had dinner. He also turned off his bb, so they were really happy.
I am already crazy about him. He is incredibly warm and supportive, tender and loving, and all of his crap about trying to scare the hell out of me to scare me off, gone. We’re very connected, very physical, very attracted to each other.
He sincerely believes I am beautiful, which I am not, but he is so convinced that I am beginning to believe him. Being beautiful in his eyes is making me more confident, happier, and probably more beautiful. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am pretty, and I have a great body for which I work very hard, but I do not think of myself, nor do I think others think of me, as beautiful. Except he does, so I live beautifully within his gaze.
So far in this relationship, I am zigging where I would have zagged and I am trusting my first impulse instead of overthinking. In fact, I am not thinking anything other than, this feels amazing and I want to be with him forever. I know I won’t feel like this forever, but right now I am deliriously happy to be with him. There are no tactics, no games, no thoughts of if I make this move, he will react this way. I will know some of that more as time goes on, but right now, everything I do, he responds to. He’s like a puppy. I am always touching him — his hand, his shoulders, his neck, his face. I caress him regularly and he melts. All I am trying to do is be present within our relationship. When I withdrew from him on the “first date,” he responded to that, too.
We are deliberately reckless in using the world love: “I love that you, I love this about you, you are loving, I love when.” We are damaged and flawed and yet open to falling for each other.
And the kissing. The kissing is unreal.
We’ve not had sex. We’ve not come close to having sex. We have made it to “second base” making out in his car, and we’re not in (much) danger of having sex. We have spoken extensively about sex, confirmed std status, and shared a lot of intimate things on the phone, including the fact he’s fantasized about me since we met.