The different between a narcissist and a normal, even self-involved, person is that a narcissist thinks only, “how does this affect me?” no matter what you tell him.
They may have a passing thought: “I hope she’s okay,” but the real thought “how does this affect me?”
I was reminded of this in talking to A over the weekend, who, upon realizing I was in financial straits actually texted me: “the condo is not in danger, right?” No, asshole, the condo is not in danger.
I may not be able to eat, but the condo you eventually want to buy from me will still be available. I pointed this out and shamed him. His response “I’m sorry. I feel bad that i’m such a navel gazer. Just can’t help it.//I have a therapist, btw.”
I just spoke with BFD who again does not listen when I am speaking about something he does not want to hear at that moment. It’s actually quite shocking to me when it happens. Like, again?!!!!
Meanwhile, I am missing LP terribly. LP, who actually listens. LP, who wants to hear what I have to say because I want to say it. He is away at a big important thing. I texted him this morning best wishes for a successful day, which I knew he loved. Instead of telling him how I felt — miss you! — I just let him know I want him to be well.
That’s the difference, and, frankly, it’s why we’re together right now. We’re very self-centered, but our first thoughts are never “omg, how does this affect me?”