He called an hour later to say that he would pay for my cabs, and that I should definitely go without him.

I went to Whole Foods to pick up something to bring and a bottle of champagne and then went with HN to the party.

The party itself was great.  It is always interesting to be surrounded by people you don’t know well, with whom you have nearly nothing in common — only to find out that the type of people who would show up to a party thrown by their trainer are exactly the kind of people who turn out to have tons in common.  I actually made a couple of new friends from women I have been seeing a few times a week for months.

BFD was a specter for me — his absence was noticed and noticeable — and I only got involved because of him.

Soon after HN and I arrived, long before anyone else, GT asked the inevitable “do you work with BFD?”  I laughed and said everyone asks that!  She said, well, I want to ask if you’re dating him, but I don’t want to be rude.  I told her I was — sort of off and on and had been for a while, but that’s something about which I don’t often speak and I would appreciate her discretion.

She loved it, of course, and wanted to know how we met, etc, so I told her the truth.

I truly felt in my element at the party — I am, by nature, a very social person.  I just tend to date people who are intensely private and who need lots of time for, as eharm says “personal reflection.”

The only negative is that when I turn it on, I can suck all of the oxygen out of a room.  At one point, I was speaking to GT’s husband, who I’d not met before.  Adorable, and a super-cool guy.  I was telling a story about 15 feet away from everyone else about a ridiculous job I once had, when all of a sudden, I heard the room go silent as they waited for the punch line.

So, at times, I felt a little too social and chatty, but my stories are interesting and I always end up being significantly cooler than you would think at first glance.  That also means some people genuinely despise me, so I try to titrate how much information I reveal.

BFD came up, perhaps too often towards the end, but he is how I know these people and how I got into the program.  It did not help when he called two hours in to see how things were going and to have me convey his greetings to GT.

It was boyfriendy  — checking in, wanting details, sending his regards to the host.  I often joke to my friends that BFD is on a scale of terrible to BFD, but he has markedly improved in every way since his world was shaken, and he’s been better and more engaged overall since the break/up.

Anyway, I loved the party.  It was great to see people outside of our workout — we all laughed about the fact that we were in jewelry, which we never are, and makeup, and well-coiffed. I wish that BFD had been with me, instead of the specter he became.  I do love that he checked in.  I am glad I told GT that we were dating and that we were on/off.  It meant a lot to her that I told her and I was glad to share it.  She, like everyone else, suspected it anyway, and the fact he called underscored that obviously we’re close.

My big takeaway from the party was how great it felt to be there, to be fully me.  I miss the social part.  I can get so lazy, but having to interact and meet people and talk and share is so freeing and energizing for me.  I have done this consistently at the workout — making myself essentially Miss Congeniality, introducing myself to new people and helping them get situated.

I need to remember how good this feels, to be so fully in my element.  I felt like this at the wedding, and I have flashes of it.  I just need to keep pushing myself to be me.

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