Well, this is bizarre.
On a whim, around 7 pm, I invited LP to a benefit to which I was just invited (plus one) by a client this afternoon. It’s LP’s kind of event and he is the perfect date for it. He was my first choice, though we’ve been apart for a month and I am fucking heartbroken over him. Still, I shot him a text, which was light and playful.
I did not hear back from him, so 15 minutes later I invited BFD, assuming he would be unavailable because of his training regimen, but I am dating him, so I made the invite. He begged off for a business dinner, and then said: “my friend S from [big city here] is coming into town on Saturday, I don’t know what we’re doing, but do you want to join us?”
This is a woman about whom I have been quite jealous. It’s the woman he is spending NYE with instead of me. And now he wants me to meet her? He mentioned again that he’s known her since they both lived in NY, which would be 10 years ago, and she’s going through a rough patch with her divorce. So now, after all this time, BFD wants to introduce me to one of his friends, a female friend, who knows all the ins and outs of my relationship with him, because it’s who he turned to for advice. So, now that I have context, it all seems so much less nefarious. Old friend who knew him with his important ex, with whom he is still in contact, going through a divorce in a city to which she moved with her then-husband. They are close, but she is not a romantic rival, although I did not know that until tonight.
He spoke again about the beauty queen who he is seeing on Sunday, along with her SO with whom he has a lot in common, and mentioned that she is beautiful, which is nice, but much too old for him. (She is 6 years his senior and 10 years my senior.) I just looked up the visiting friend on linked in. She is, at a minimum, the same age as the beauty queen . . . much too old for him.
So, the woman I thought was a serious rival is not at all. And is someone he wants me to hang out with, with him. It’s bizarre. I am sure she would want to meet me, as I am certain she knows about me, although I have no idea what she knows, aside from the fact we had great sex, which was just not enough. (I assume what he told me soon after he returned from seeing her was practiced on her. BFD is far more extroverted in his thinking than I realized, wantng external affirmation. It’s one of many things I got very wrong about him.)
Anyway, we talked through calendar a little bit, and he was pretty warm towards me, though admitting he’s going to be gone for a while. He’ll be here after this weekend 5 days in the next month. Ugh.
We wrapped our quick call and then I called N, who I escort to events. We’ve been speaking weekly and he still has a massive crush on me. He’s successful and has issues related to his success, but he’s a really good guy and I enjoy being with him. I have often wondered whether I should have continued dating him instead of BFD, with whom I went on the best first date ever the week after my first date with N.
N, immediately said yes, angled for dinner, and was very excited about the opportunity. I told him it would probably be an early evening as I have an early workout the next morning, but he was cool with it all, and mentioned, again, perhaps doing something for New Year’s, but completely noncommittally.
I hung up with him, relaxed, knowing I had an escort for Friday and a date in bizarro-world on Saturday.
Four hours later, I heard a strange tone on my computer . . . a message from LP: “Hi!!! Finally back in [town]. I think i have [the kid] friday nite, but if not i would love to go. Will let u know tomorrow.”
Um, what the fuck?!!!!!
I replied back: “You’re alive!!! Glad to hear you’re back. Definitely let me know, it would be a blast to see you and the show looks amazing.”
He asked for more detail about the show, so I told him.
Twenty minutes later, I got another message: “Thx i have had quite a miserably intense month. Hope ur well”
I replied: “Sorry to hear that. I worried about you, figuring things were really horrible for you in ways I could not imagine. Can you talk for a couple of minutes?”
He replied: “[Kid] is here asleep. Coffee tomorrow am?”
I agreed and told him to just let me know when.
So, I think I am having coffee with LP tomorrow . . .
It’s utterly bizarre to me that he could just reappear. There is great damage and it’s unclear where we stand from my perspective or his, but I love that he wants to talk/and I suppose to meet, although I am not convinced that will happen, if for not other reason than he has his kid with him and he will be taking her to school way earlier than I could be up and ready. But, who knows, maybe it can happen.
He sounded via text more connected and engaged than at any time over the past month. He sounded like himself. I am reserving judgment, but I am intrigued. Plus, I have been holding out hope that this would happen, that he would reemerge sounding like himself once again. I know what he’s been going through. I know that he flew back and then took a day to be creative. Now he sounds like himself again instead of this shell.
About Friday’s benefit . . . I would absolutely cancel N for LP and N would understand. LP and I worked in the same field related to the benefit and there would be wonderful business reasons for my clients to meet LP, who is still well-connected in that field, better than I am, to be honest.
I cannot imagine LP will make it, but then I cannot imagine that he reappeared sounding normal for the first time in a month. We’ve been in contact every week, but it’s been strained and strange. Now, he sounds like himself.
My life is different than when he disappeared. I am dating BFD again, although it’s not serious at this point. N is back in play. I have been working to get over LP, feeling heartbroken by his absence.
I am happy to hear from him, but I don’t know if it means anything. We will have to see if I can get to sleep (it’s currently 1:24 am as I type this) and then awaken and get ready early enough to see him for “coffee.”