I follow his ex/wife on twitter, anonymously, as I have multiple accounts and one not connected to this blog or to my real stuff.

Last week, she referred to him as her “husband” and mentioned she’d flown to see him while he was on a business trip.  She overshares everything, but it was difficult to tell what was happening.  It did not seem “romantic” in any way and she flew home the next afternoon, alone.

Today, he is back, with a day off, and at her house, which is not unexpected because he is working on a project for himself there.  Again, she has referred to him as her husband.

Again, my heart is breaking.

I have written him a long email that I have not sent.  I have this (not unreasonable fear) about the people in my life not knowing how I feel about them. I am rather reserved (although not with him).

But I haven’t sent it.  I don’t know that I will.

I don’t know anything except that my heart feels shattered and I want to cry.