[At some point, I will finish unpacking my LP date and post it, but I am still upset and confused and happy and weirded out and regretting lots of things I said, etc., and yet, we ended it, as always kissing, although to be honest, it was less passionate than usual from me. We had the long-distance weirdness.]

For tonight, I had two sets of plans: dinner and a movie with BFD and a show downtown with either N or LP.

BFD’s calendar started sliding late afternoon and I needed us to get to dinner and movie early if I was going to be able to make the show. BFD hates when I go out after I see him, but I do, especially on Friday night, when we start and wrap early and there is so much going on downtown. I invited him to the show originally (he was invite #2 after LP), but I knew he would decline.

He tried to move the movie to 830, which would have meant I would miss the show, in which friends of mine were playing and I was on the list (plus 1). He wavered a bit, so I suggested switching days, to which he happily agreed.

I invited N after I’d invited LP and had not heard anything in response (he replied 4 hours later), so I was set with N, but I decided to cancel him for BFD.

This means, ultimately, I ended up dateless.

I had decided not to go. I’d had a shitty day — drama with LP, deep sadness and guilt as a result, and not really in the mood to do anything. I called N, but he’d already made other plans, of course.

At 830, my friend in the band texted me how excited he was for me to hear them perform, which I’d never done before. They’re on tour, so it would be months before another opportunity arose.

I got myself together — super skinny jeans I’d worn earlier to see LP though now paired with a black sweater and red patent ballet flats and a black coat that hits just below the waist.

I first hit our Cheers to grab a cocktail. Even though none of my friends were out, I know all the people who work there, so I figured, a solo drink first, then off to the show. I walked up to my usual bar in Cheers where my host from Thanksgiving was working . . . and there was JerkFace. He has been ill, so he’d stayed later, knowing I was coming downtown. We sat and I had a Tito’s and soda so strong it was like two drinks in one. That’s the downside of being friends with bartenders. JF was not going to the show with me, but we hung out with our friend and other regulars and it was great.

About 15 minutes before my friend’s band was actually scheduled to go on (I always get the actual time), I headed out alone. The venue was right around the block, in an area of town that’s my usual stomping ground. I got to the door and had my id checked for one wrist band and then they checked me off the list for a second wrist band. I failed to pay attention to this second wrist band, which gave me vip access to backstage. By the time I realized I was the only person downstairs wearing the second band, the show had started.

I missed all the opening acts and walked in as they were setting up for the headliners. I saw my friend standing on the other side of the rope line and he walked out and hugged me tightly and thanked me effusively for coming. My friend is ridiculously hot. He is on the cusp of stardom, but he’s very grounded and respectful. We spoke for a few minutes, I grabbed a bottle of water, and took position toward the back but in the middle. Usually at venues, I have very specific places I stand so as to not get bumped or crowded, but that was not possible here.

Their main show was amazing. Then they had a bunch of special guests perform, so I cut out for 10 minutes to a club two doors down where one of my very good friends was playing a regular show. I made my way through the crowd, stood so he could see me, stayed all of 7 minutes and made it back inside the other show during their last song. Score!

After the show, I wandered down to the area near where the roadies were offloading their equipment and they were informally greeting fans. There is a protocol for such things that I learned early in my life “on the list.” Usually, you don’t approach the band after their show if you are “connected” to the band. The more important you are, the more anxious they are to come to you. Essentially.

But this was a big venue, so I headed near to where my friend was standing on the other side of the rope — no, really. He had plenty of people waiting to chat him up, so I allowed the fans to get in and talk to him first, though he kept looking at me, and I was perfectly fine standing a little way off and letting him enjoy the adulation.

Adorably, he unhooked the rope to come talk to me, which was really pretty endearing. I got to hug him repeatedly and tell him how very excited I am for him. Their set was amazing and there are very big things on the horizon for them. He was so thrilled to hear my enthusiasm because he has long turned to me for advice and counsel and this was my first time seeing him perform.

I left the venue and walked back to the club where my friend’s band was playing. I approached the bar to grab a napkin and I saw standing there my nemesis, X, of the Shadow Breakup.  I had not seen him in more than a year, and I have not spoken to him in two years.  I was feeling so great that I decided to just fuck with him — to make him talk or not talk.  I was standing a single person away, and I touched his arm and said hi, how are you?  We talked for a couple of minutes.  He was very cold at first, as he hates me.  I don’t care about him at all, but it was funny to make him interact.  By the end, he was warming up.  I told him where I’d been and why and he was impressed, which is always a good thing.  I told him he looked good, which was sort of a lie.  He is still a good looking guy, but when I knew him he was thinner and super hot.  I look much, much better than when we were hanging out.  Like 45 pounds lighter.

(As I was reminded last night, even when I was “fat” I was a 12, which is not fat.  Now, I am a 2.)

So, that was fun, tormenting him a bit, and it was nice to interact with him.  Next time, it will be more comfortably cordial.  At least from my perspective.

After that I bounced back to Cheers to see who was still working.  By this point, it was 1 am and I needed a cab, which was easier from Cheers.  I wandered in and talked to some of my people and then had a really nice, long talk with my favorite bartender.  He is such a sweetheart, but i rarely go to his bar since it’s always packed as he’s absurdly popular.

I hung out for a few minutes, telling him I was just stopping in, and then hopped in a cab and made it home.

Overall, an excellent night.  I was so very happy I decided to go out, though I had been so sad about LP.  Seeing every one and enjoying myself was just what I needed.