I plan for everything all the time with a mix of knowledge and intuition and I am rarely completely surprised.
Tonight, BFD did two things completely out of character: he told me how much he would be thinking about me before we saw each other on Saturday, and, far more importantly, he told me he is retiring from competition “to spend more time at home.”
He realized that pondering when he would be competing and structuring his worklife so he could take 10-15 days a month to travel to races was stressing him out completely. Though he loves it, apparently it’s been a drain. He talked to his friends and decided he was going to sit the season out. He’d compete when he could, but he was not going to stick to his race schedule.
He treasured having free time tonight. Thanks to a rather serious set of ridiculous circumstances, we moved our meeting with BP to Friday. Tonight he called as he cleaned his stove and made a smoothie (post-gym, pre-massage) to check in. He said, okay, Plan, let’s talk about your business, and [though I cannot remember the words exactly] are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way. So, I told him in broad strokes that I prefer and then much more detail as he prefers.
We began speaking in depth about my big non-him project with BP. BFD’s mind is so quick and his knowledge base is so deep that I drew a stick figure on a napkin and he created the Rubens tapestry. He got it with a mere sketch, point by point, and connecting with him like that was exhilarating. He is brilliant, which is why he was so successful from such a young age. He just fills in the gaps and gets it. He anticipated industry issues that I mentioned. He understood the psychological element. It was perfect and amazing and speaking to him felt equal. He knew why I was making the moves I was and when he brought up a salient point, I was able to say, actually, because of this we’re doing that. And he loved it.
I used to obsess about whether BFD respected me for my ability because I always knew I had to prove myself to him. At the most basic level, he’s very rich and I am actually poor. That made him inherently suspicious until we really got to know each other. Now that he knows, that he sees me analyze things as he would, he loves it. He finally sees what I bring to the table other than a hot body, a pretty face, and an enthusiastic willingness to indulge his fantasies.
At one point, I paused and said to him how impressed I was with how quickly he understood and analyzed everything. He was happy to hear that, genuinely, and said, humbled, be sure to mention that to BP.
The main reason he called was to talk calendar. He wants to take me out this week before he leaves on Saturday for his sports-related trip. His last scheduled competition. He is traveling out of town by air tomorrow and then back for our BP meeting on Friday. Perhaps, he said, we could go out after Saturday’s workout and before his flight. (I know him; that will never happen.)
We agreed on dinner (and sex) on Friday night. He told me how excited he was to see me and how much he could not weight. I asked if he wanted to come over post-massage but he said he’d be a waste after an hour on the table.
He told me all of the changes he wanted to make to his life now that he’s decided to be here rather than flying off all the time for competitions. Changing his diet, relaxing more, working more efficiently.
I am shocked that he’s choosing work over sport. He could easily make the other choice, but he is committed to being here. No more talk of our breakup precipitating “I think I want to buy a house where I compete and commute back here.” Instead, he flipped the script completely.
He sounded happy, relieved, and excited. Less self-involved even. He wants to build a life here.
As he said to me when we first met and again on NYE, he wants me to be a part of it. The respect is back. The desire is there, always, but there is a deeper affection that has crept in to our interactions.
He called back after we originally spoke to say that he forgot he has a dinner on Friday night, a social thing with a potential business partner and his wife. Ridiculously as usual it never occurred to him to invite me.
For MMX, I am changing up my interactions with him,being more assertive, more demanding, and more open and affectionate. The stakes are higher, and I am completely surprised that he reached out as he did and made the choice he did.
He chose other people over himself. He chose a simpler life.
At long last, he might be becoming again the man I would want him to be.