BFD and I broke up again, but it’s as loving a breakup as you can imagine. It’s not clear how permanent it is, but it is the single most selfless thing he’s done for our relationship.

I have a long post about it, which I will probably publish with the same password as before as it quotes broadly from BFD’s message to me.

I am not sleeping, not eating, and generally falling apart.

At the same time, things with LP not great as he’s finally back and not scheduling time to see me, despite ardent expressions of the opposite as recently as Thursday, and his wonderful responses on Sunday as I fell apart.

I am trying to keep focused on work, which means I am still speaking BFD constantly.

Every part of me hurts right now — bad pms, sore throat, weird inflammation — and my brain and heart hurt worse.

This is worse than the last breakup. It feels so final. I told him it felt like a benediction and a new beginning, and it does.

It’s not a bad thing, this breakup. It’s probably for the best and it’s very loving, but it hurts right now, more than I thought it would.

I just feel raw.