I am doing the online dating thing. know, I know, but I don’t do single well, and even though I am never actually single, I am bored.
And me, bored? Not good for anyone.
With JerkFace’s encouragement, I am doing a free week on match and it’s really amusing.
I just got an email from a very cute guy 10 years(!) my junior who said: “wow, you are really attractive.” He later assured me “I don’t think you’ll have any problem finding someone on here.” Seriously, how cute is that???
I have been on for all of four hours and I am getting cool emails from people. I have a calculus — career + education + height + looks + marital history – children. I have learned my lessons from LP: “separated” does not count, and joint custody might be a deal killer, as would lack of joint custody.
I have a date scheduled with someone rather appropriate next week — a lunch date — and he’s already being very cool with my chaotic schedule bs. (I will either not make plans until the last minute or cancel on you frequently, and you can either deal or you can’t.) I met him on ehm and we’ve exchanged texts. He would be considered a catch to 99.5% of the female population, but I have rather low expectations.
Part of it is the “let’s take a month and fly to Italy” nature of my life. We’re all workaholics, so a month is absurd, but I have carried my passport in my purse for years and I have a half packed suitcase always because last-minute trips to go hit a fashion show outside the US, or see an exhibit in NY, or a sporting event in Europe, or even a fight in Vegas used to happen with frequency. I have not always been poor. My livelihood (and that of my parents, frankly) was destroyed when the economy collapsed and I have been trying to claw my way back to stability. Even when I was broke, BP was sending me hither and yon for fun.
I miss those days — private bankers, private shoppers, private clubs, personal trainers at the best, most exclusive gyms. I funded it all, making tradeoffs. I dropped $500/month working out instead of buying a new car. I flew to Europe with my mother last minute to see a sporting event. I allowed A to become a full-time student. Those are tradeoffs I would gladly make again.
At the same time, I was never a spendthrift. I bought a modest condo in the right area, knowing it would appreciate dramatically, which it did. I invested a lot of money smartly on business ventures and without a paycheck and everything remained in balance until our sector started collapsing about 12 months ahead of everything else and my clients began going bankrupt.
Dating a normal working stiff is hard for me. It isn’t about the money — BFD and I famously eat in very regular restaurants and together we’ve never darkened the door of the best place in town, though we’ve each dined there separately (me with LP <sniff>) — but, it does involve an understanding of the weirdness of my lifestyle and history. I go to fashion shows and art openings and galas and fetes and political fundraisers and wine dinners. I sit in excellent seats at sporting events and cultural events and I don’t think having a collection of cocktail dresses is a foolish expense. I bought A nba playoff tickets for his birthday one year to see two of his favorite teams play our home team. My history with A demonstrates that having my partner there is unnecessary, but he has to understand that those are things important to me.
Experience is important to me.
So, online dating . . . ugh, and yet, I am enjoying the hell out of it. I am attractive enough, clever enough, and amusing enough to cut through a lot of dross.
My new profile is pasted from my first email to BFD. It describes everything about which I am passionate (“terrible movies . . . traveling without an itinerary”). It’s stupid, and yet an interesting guy sent me an excellent email quoting from it extensively. Also, handsome(!) and tall(!).
I have no idea why I am playing the game. W, my bestie, reminded me that BFD will be infuriated if he finds out I am dating. Just because we’re done (or not) does not mean I am allowed to date other people. BFD told me essentially the same thing with his “no dick but mine” “joke.” And yet, I am bored. The LP fantasy works to a degree, but he’s disappointed me terribly this week and I just cannot hold out for him. BFD is