I have been dating a very nice guy for two or three weeks. I met him online. He seemed nice. He asked me out for a glass of wine at a hip spot in my neighborhood.
He is super sweet and considerate. He is a quintessential nice guy. Super-duper freaking nice. He’s so thoughtful that when I called him to see if he wanted to grab pho with me tonight — I am having a bad afternoon and was still working tonight — he offered to pick it up for me and just drop it by. I declined, of course, but I did tell him he scored points. He did. I was impressed.
He’s nice enough looking, very fit, and he is certainly growing on me. I am maintaining arm’s length with him, but we’re becoming friends. I’ve told him nearly everything — about BFD, about LP, about A — he’s handled it all well. BFD intimidates most men. Hell, he intimidated LP and N. Not him in person, but the idea of him. Retired young, fabulously wealthy workaholic and competitive athlete. If that’s your ex, then what do I bring to the table? That means that I may have exaggerated some of BFD’s worst behaviors, but then, again, LP knows the truth pretty accurately and in real time, too.
I told him when we spoke that I did not want to see him because I knew I was going to be upset all day because it was a year from when I met LP. And I was upset. I told him I thought that would have been unfair, which it absolutely would have been.
So, the Nice Guy is super nice, but it’s just too much. The pho thing really bothered me.
It feels too boyfriendy, too presumptuous.
It’s like Valentine’s Day. I declined seeing him for Valentine’s early, made other plans with a girlfriend for brunch, so he asked if he could see my beforehand. I told him at 6 on a Thursday that we could grab a glass of wine at 7. He went to a great local coffee place and a gourmet market and delivered to my building a platter of cupcakes and chocolate covered strawberries and fabulous ground coffee and made it to my place on time. Oh, and a card. I felt so bad, that I said, okay, let’s go to dinner, intending to pick up the check. He took me to the same restaurant to which N took me on our first date. It was excellent. We had an amazing meal, and a great time, and then he picked up the check, which really bothered me. I offered to get it, split it, whatever, and he declined. Fine.
I ended up calling him late on Valentine’s after spoiling myself rotten with great girly day, exchanged texts with LP and BFD, to ask if he wanted to see Avatar in 3d. I bought the tickets online and we went to the late show. It was fun, but very unromantic.
I have not seen him since but he dutifully has reached out every day, checking in via email and text.
I have decided to end it with him today. He’s great, he really is, but he’s not the one for me long-term. He’s a fun guy for me to talk to and hang out with, but that’s it. The truth is I am not ready, and, while I have been very very very honest with him about that, he’s been falling for me and I am starting to feel bad about it.
Rather than do it on the phone, I asked him to meet me for a glass of wine at a place in my neighborhood at 5. He offered to pick me up and I declined, signaling to him as much as possible that this is not a date.
I don’t know if he realizes something is up. I hope he does, so this can be less of a shock.
Until I stop crying at the feel of LP’s name on my tongue, I should not be dating other people. BFD, sure. We’re equally fucked up and our drama will continue. We will reconcile again because that is what we do, so inextricably integrated into each other’s lives. But the Nice Guy? No. It’s too hard to bring someone else into that maelstrom. I am not over LP. I consider us broken up, but talking. It’s unclear what our status is to him, but I think he would be quite surprised that I was dating other people.
So, tonight I am ending things with a super nice guy, who deserves someone far better for him than me. I do hope we can be friends, but who knows.