I just spent the last two hours making out with one of my friends at a bar.  He’s not one of my inner circle, but he’s cute and nice, and I’ve known him for years.

He admitted to me and to everyone else that he has had a crush on me forever, but I am never single.  Which I am not, with the exception of the past 5 weeks, when I have been dating.  We have great chemistry, but he’s not someone I could be with long term.  At all.  But I told him, look, I am looking to enjoy myself, and I am not looking for sex.

We kissed a lot, in public, which was a bit embarrassing, and awesome, and we held hands and just enjoyed being together.

He was surprised, but I knew that if I saw him I would be kissing him tonight. It was part of my plan.

I had a date scheduled with a very appropriate guy, an executive, right age, right family, etc., who had canceled on me last minute because I was delayed for 15 minutes.  He sent a few texts in response to mine that “I don’t want to be rushed so I can spend time getting to know you…” What-freaking-ever.  I looked so cute!

Still, I had multiple back up plans and among them was seeing my friend, who I’d plan to see after my date.  I also knew, if I saw him, I’d end up kissing him.

It has been since December since I have made out with anyone (LP, as a matter of fact) and since February since I have kissed anyone (BFD), and frankly I’d been starved for affection.  It’s hard to date at a remove.  I told my friend I’ve been dating and not kissing, drawing firm lines so as to allow myself to work out the gravitational pull between BFD and LP over the past year.  He said he understood.  They all say they understand.

I told him about BFD/LP/N, etc., and I was very upfront about current statuses with each of them, eliding over the fact that technically LP and I never broke up, but I was very upfront about the fact that he was gone, where he was, what he was doing, and as my friend is also a lawyer, although now unemployed?, he understands why LP is gone, and that he will be back.  (Whether LP will be back with me? Even I don’t know that . . . LP had said yes, but that was a month ago.)

He thanked me a lot, complimented me extensively (and appropriately . . .), and we argued at times about my weight.  (More on this whole topic at some point, perhaps.  Short version: everyone in the world thinks I am perfect to too thin at a weight 5-8 pounds heavier than I prefer.  As a sop to them, I intentionally gained weight, but I am not happy here.  I feel fat.  Everyone thinks I am insane.  Lather rinse repeat.)

Our night closed late, after we awaited his female friend who’d wandered off, with our encouragement, to chat up a cute boy.  We only kissed when she was gone, and she’d encouraged it when she had left for the ladies room toward the end of the night.  I told him one does not leave female friends who’ve been drinking in the company of strange men, so we waited and kissed and talked.  A lot.

At the end of the night, he and his friend drove me in his jalopy to my ridiculously expensive BFD car.  He has another car, a fancy sports car, but his parents are paying for it and it’s currently in their garage.  I told him about that too — the BFDness of it.  He said, wow, this is a really nice car.  I’d told him what it was earlier and he’d asked me the color and color of the interior, which he found surprising.  When he saw it, he said, wow, it really is [color on color], like that was some special thing.  I know nothing about cars, but I was like, yeah, he’s BFD, it’s his car, that he got for himself, of course it’s a great car.

He said to me a few times, I know this is probably not going to happen again, which I did not dispute or aver, and he thanked me.  He said to me a few times, you need a nice guy in your life.  Yeah, I do, but, as I reminded him, I am obviously a princess, and I am used to being spoiled.  He laughed as he walked away that we’d have to do something about that.

As I drove, I thought, yes, I will have to do something about it . . . which has nothing to do with kissing one of my friends in a bar.