Until 2010, I’d not been on many first dates.
For me, first dates always lead to relationships. This year, I have had four so far (only one did not lead to a second date, and that was sort of a weird thing), and there are a few more in the queue. I have been very clear with everyone that I (1) want to take things really slowly, and (2) that I do not want to be in a relationship. Implicit and explicit in that is (1)(a) we are NOT having sex.
Tonight, I told my date (second date, first day), look, I am a very good girlfriend, I am very supportive, but I don’t want to be a girlfriend right now. He wasn’t listening.
They never listen.
It was a weird day. I overslept two hours, which meant I got nothing of consequence done. I had a lunch date scheduled, but my cell was dead, so I forgot to forward my texts to my cell phone, which means I missed the message from my date to text him when I got to his office building. I didn’t. I waited in the lobby. After 30 minutes, I went to the desk (his building lacks a touch screen and instead has a reception desk) and they could not give me his office number and there were no public phones. I went to my car to recharge it and called him a couple of times. No answer, as I am calling his bberry.
Finally, he answers, somewhat panicked, having not realized I was there the whole time. He offers to meet me in the garage, but I decline and return to the lobby. When I walk off the elevator, he is standing there, on the phone, apologetic, of course. I meet his eye, his mouths his apology, but I look elsewhere until he wraps. Once he does, I hugged him a few times.
First impression: handsome. Like very, very handsome. Very fit. I was a little surprised, though I knew what he looked like. He . . . was a little blown away by me, which he kept saying. We were so late and he had a meeting, so we ducked into a coffee joint. (Iced coffee, plus heavy cream.) We sat together and really enjoyed it. He went to boarding school in the next town up from mine, and he loved that connection. He touched my knee, which apparently is the thing men now do to me (three in 5 days).
When we left, he escorted me back to my car. I hugged him, he kissed me, which is also the thing men now do to me.
He told me when we were together how hot, beautiful, interesting, smart, etc. I am. Uh-huh. Over the next few hours, he texted me repeatedly with the same message: “I am so attracted to you. Damn, I did NOT expect this. You are so hot!!!” “I just find you so damn attractive and sexy and smart, and educated.” “I can’t believe this is happening. I am so attracted to you. And that just doesn’t happen to me like this. But I have a big smile on my face thinking about you,” “I didn’t expect to be so attracted to you!!”
Thanks to our further comedy of errors, in which he forgot to validate my parking, so I had to transfer funds from my corporate bank to my personal bank, I had to head down much earlier than anticipated, so I invited him to meet me for a drink. By this point, I had told him “I am looking forward to seeing you, too, but we’re going to take this slowly…” to which he had agreed.
They always agree. They don’t mean it, but they always agree.
We met for a drink at my favorite downtown spot. It’s like my clubhouse. I know everyone there and I am well-protected. He’s there, looking very very handsome and we talk about all sorts of things.
He tells me how he got into his business, which is a business his family has been involved in since the late 1800s. His family is from an area into which I almost married and their holdings are larger than the area of Manhattan, according to my cousin after we figured out to convert acres into square miles (it’s on my built in calculator). He could not believe I had been out there, as it’s not exactly on the normal travel schedule for someone like me. I had done the touristy things there too.
We moved up to a more private, secluded area. The management knew they did not have to check on me and they needed the table where we were sitting.
Upstairs, we talked more and then he kissed me. We kissed a bit actually, and it was just okay. First, except for my pda buddy, I am totally not down with PDA. At all. Second, kissing gets better when you get to know each other’s style.
I looked up t one point and realized my best friend W wandered in, so I invited him up to join us. We continued to hold hands and he embraced me openly. It was very sweet, actually, and I felt safe and protected with him.
Our leaving was rather abrupt. He walked us out, kissed me goodbye on the street, and my girlfriend and I were off to a party.
Overall, it’s hard to say how I feel about it. I clearly needed physical affection over the past week, which is why I have been kissing, hugging, holding hands with different guys. A lot of his messages reminded me so much of LP. I teased him with the things I know about myself: that I attract only a very specific type of man; that I am spoiled; etc. It was fun, but I just don’t know.
He asked that I text when I got back last night (control), which I did. No answer after I called and texted. (As I explained to W, no one leaves VM anymore, you call and then text.) Texted him about 30 minutes ago to say hey, good morning. No response.
Okay, okay, two texts just now: “Been in meetings all morning. I had a great evening with you yesterday. You’re wonderful and beautiful…and u have very very nice legs.” Second text mentioned our first kiss, which I told him, as I had told LP before him: “not my best work.” I seriously despise kissing dudes in bars, even if we’re secluded in a private area.
So, we’ll see. He’s very handsome, a little goofy, but seems nice and earnest.
The question, when you meet really good guys, is always “why is he single?” But I am single, so clearly, singleness does not in itself signal quality. (Yes, GYL, that is a joke, but the point is that people are single for a lot of reasons, so I don’t view their availability as a sign that they are somehow damaged or unworthy. Their damage or unworthiness is something we’ll figure out as we go along.)