Ah, so I really really really overreacted yesterday and nearly ruined a lovely afternoon and evening.

It’s hard dealing with this level of crushing pressure.  Work, romance, etc.  Everyone wants something from me . . . I just want to be happy.

But today marks one month since I called TNG late on a Friday to ask him to join me at a “secret show” for an artist he’d never heard of and about whom I did not particularly care.  I was bored, and it sounded like fun.  I ended up kissing him at the bar I’d suggested we hit for a glass of wine because my very drunk friend who we’d randomly bumped into pulled me outside and kissed me passionately and I sort of felt like an asshole for letting that happen.

That we ended up kissing at the bar, in his car (steaming up the windows like teenagers), in his garage, in his house, and for three straight days, kicked off what has been a wonderful and strange month.

I am still dating other people, but I am officially no longer with BFD, I am not capable of pondering a reconciliation with LP, and I have no idea what may happen with N, if anything.  TNG always says, “[Plan], I would date N!” but N, who can be really wonderful, always manages to say something patronizing and hurtful whenever I start to think, you know, maybe we should be together.

The fact of the matter is that I’ve been able to make certain decisions about my life because TNG is in it.  He is a wonderful man.  We have issues and we each have concerns, but we are genuine in our feelings for each other.

No idea where we go from here, or if we can work out our incompatibility, but we’re willing to try.

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