After missing LP, I went to my gym to take class for the last time with our trainer who is going on pregnancy/maternity leave. BFD was going to be there … late … but bearing a gift I’d helped him select that was sort of from us. It was a 4 hour spa appointment at the chicest spa in town — massage, mani/pedi, facial — and he was sure to include tip. Very thoughtful.

He showed up late and it was great to see him. It’s been weeks, actually since I gave him back the fabulous car I’ve been driving for which he was paying. He was near me but not next to me, but he spoke to me during the session, including mouthing the words “how are you?!!!!” as I stretched on the floor.

She loved “our” gift, ignoring my attempt to clarify it was from BFD alone, and it was very sweet. He had made sure that I knew he was driving me home during the session and confirmed it again as we left. We walked down the hall together and I said, “B, stop, I am hugging you.” He laughed and kissed me on the cheek as we hugged mid-stride.

We chatted with some people in the vestibule and then headed off (in my car…) towards home, debating where to eat. We decided on the local burger stand, and he wanted to head out to the lake to a boat dock with our burgers and fries.

The setting was lovely. He’s sweet and gruff always, this small, handsome man, who made fun of me for wanting to lock my handbag in the trunk and instead then made me carry it.

We sat next to each other on a picnic bench, looking out at the lake and all the activity, talking about life and work and what the fuck I am going to do for a job and his training for his sport (next season’s first camp is in two weeks).

When talking about his sport, he told me about his new uniform and safety gear and mentioned that he did not wear a cup. This lead immediately to a discussion, prompted by me, about his future children. He said, rather sadly, that with how depressed he’s been over the past six months and all the business drama he’s been engaged in, he has not been able to think about finally starting a family, that it was probably never going to happen.

I looked at him and said, “honey, I would have taken one for the team . . .”

He smiled sadly.

We made plans for Saturday’s workout, for his scheduled meeting with BP, for a time for us to talk abotu my career. When I said, are you sure you have time, he reminded me that he would always be there for me. And he always has been.

We kissed goodbye in the car. He wanted to walk me upstairs, ostensibly to grab a cord from me, but I did not invite him up. I had him wait by the pool as I fetched it. We hugged and kissed again and made plans for Saturday morning.