At 243 am, I texted my cousin T:
“At [LP]’s house. This is not a drill. Just sleeping and talking”
It’s now 8 hours later and my head is spinning.
LP and I have been chatting via text with increased frequency during the past few weeks, but he has continued to inhabit a different astral plane than me. We’ve been connecting psychologically, especially on an intimate basis, but I’d not seen him since we fought at a Starbucks last December. He left for work for a long, long time, but his life also intruded and I moved forward . . . without necessarily moving on.
LP has never been far from my thoughts for one simple reason: he is everything I have ever wanted in a partner. And I mean everything: he’s brilliant and charming and interesting and creative and erotic and sensual and handsome and wildly successful and I feel more me with him than I do with anyone else. I can be completely unguarded with him and he does not judge some of the funky weirdness in my life. He gets how my brain works, because it is how his brain works. He knows me intimately without knowing me well and has since we met. I know what he doesn’t tell me. I see the real in his artifice. I know the bullshit he walks through and I get it. He is exactly the same with me and it is always intense.
There are three significant negatives: he is married (though separated for nearly 2 years and when we actively dated, we dated very openly), he has a child, and he works all the time. Also, he is prone to depression, but that is something we share.
So, while LP has been off in his own universe, I moved forward and started to date, very slowly and tentatively, but never really closing the door to him.
I was very honest, or as honest as I could bare to be, with TNG, especially early on. I have not told TNG that LP and I have been back in contact, but he’s not asked and we were always in a little contact and TNG are not exclusive, I like him more than he likes me, and our frankly mediocre sex life has dwindled to nothing. I cannot actually remember the last time we had sex of any kind whatsoever, but I believe it was something I did for him and about six weeks ago. I have spoken to him about it, but I am certainly not going to force the issue. But, TNG and I are very socially connected and enjoy a very loving affectionate relationship when we’re not breaking up, which we’ve done about every 3.5 weeks for the past four months.
In short, yes, I am dating TNG, sort of dating N still (we attended a gala this weekend), and possibly dating BFD, and I am not having sex with any of them.
So last week, I heard from LP a lot. It began in earnest on May 26 with flurries of messages (40 or more exchanged in a day). He shared a wildly inappropriate fantasy, which I will not disclose here, and seemed quite forceful that it “will” happen. Okay, fine. I played the game with him and teased him and enjoyed the flirtation, thinking that maybe I’d see him at some point, but I continued to live my life without him. We nearly saw each other, but could not quite get it together because he chose not to see me. Okay, fine.
Unbeknownst to me, LP had been mostly in town and mostly miserable, lonely, and depressed.
Yesterday, I offered to send him a cute photo TNG took of me on our weekend day trip. The colors are great and it’s a flattering pic despite my messy hair and no makeup. (It’s now also my profile pic on facebook and on my real twitter account.) He wanted to see it, and then he offered to send me some photos he’d taken over the weekend. We exchanged texts and emails for nearly four hours from late afternoon until early evening. For me, essentially until TNG was picking me up for dinner. 😦
(There are parts of this story I hate, by the way.)
I had a lovely dinner with TNG at a cute, sort of romantic restaurant. TNG is very dear to me — he’s a lovely man, he takes amazing care of me, and I genuinely enjoy his company. The problems are signficant, but we really enjoy each other’s company.
TNG dropped me off around 10, kissing me passionately.
I could not sleep. I was not tired at all so I read and watched tv and thought about LP and TNG, etc. I looked at some of the photos LP had sent me and felt rather conflicted and missed him terribly. Finally around 125, I washed my face and went to put on my nightgown when my phone rang.
It was LP, who NEVER calls me.
He was in bed and could barely speak. His voice was thick with emotion and desire. He told me he wanted to be with me, right then, and asked if I were in town, which I was. We debated briefly whether I should go there or he should come here. I am car-free again, so I offered to cab there, and he offered to pick me up. I quickly jumped in the shower and shaved my legs and washed my body and threw on the barest amount of mineral makeup along with a sundress I could throw on the floor and have it look fresh in the morning in case we went for coffee or someone saw me heading into my building.
I could not think straight and my legs were shaking. The idea of seeing this man I’d not seen in six months made me weak and scared and excited. He’d been texting me, but I did not notice. I just happened to glance down and saw he was a block away. I grabbed my stuff and made it to the entrance as he pulled up. It was now 145 am and I was leaving my building with yet another handsome man in yet another fancy car. What must my neighbors think?!!!
I walked straight to the car and we just looked at each other. We were both a little heavier, me intentionally, him not intentionally. He is remarkably handsome, solidly built, but his added girth (maybe 15 pounds), gave him a more youthful appearance. He looked great. I slid into the car (adorably, he was in pajamas), and we hugged and then kissed passionately as though no time had passed.
It was really as though no time had passed. I put my hand on the base of his neck and he leaned into my caress as we drove the FIVE MINUTES from my condo to his house.
I teased him that it’s the longest 12 blocks in town, as it took 6 months to make it. We kissed at the only stop light we hit and made it in no time at all.