Today was a huge day in BFD’s life. What he’s been working towards since I’ve known him happened today. All the people, all the names I’ve heard for year(s) were there. I was there. BP was there. BFD’s non-me girl was there.

Yeah, that was a bit awkward.

I had met her before, once. She knew she recognized me but could not place me. Finally, I mentioned at our table of 8 that she met me in our workout to which she had come once. They were just friends then, I believe, but he’s hit on me hardcore, kissed me passionately as recently as last week and called me a variety of embarrassing pet names as recently as, well, tonight.

When I mentioned the workout, the ears of the other women at the table perked up and I described the class and how long I’d known BFD and some of them then realized who I was, but she did not realize, oooooh, that’s his ex-girlfriend the way everyone else did. With me at the event, BFD was so huggy that I got makeup on his shoulder and he was routinely huggy and affectionate with me and called me on his way home explaining why his girl was there and diminishing her to me. Well, she’s my friend and I needed a second set of eyes with all the different groups of people and he’d invited another female friend, too, who couldn’t make it, and he didn’t think of me as I am car-less, etc.

But I borrowed one of TNG’s cars to drive out and then to drive one of BFD’s business partners to the airport. When BFD loaded his partners luggage into the suv I was driving he asked whose car it was. I sputtered an answer that I clarified when he called me late tonight. He was cool with it, and he loved the lengths to which I went to ensure that his partner got to the airport.

I reminded him that I love him very much, that my goal is making sure his life is easier and that he does not burn out. He expressed some concern about me. (My weight is up, which he attributes to stress, rather than to, you know, EATING.) We love each other still, this crazy-ass man and me. His partner mentioned that he’s not happy, and that he’s not found the right woman yet, but he mentioned he had a few different people he was seeing because none of them were quite right. I did not mention that one of them was me. BFD and I are on the cusp of making a lot of money together, which will fundamentally change our relationship again. It’s what he’d been waiting for.

For me, while I do love him and there are some amazing things about him, the him he is at this moment is not a man I can date. We’ll see what happens in the weeks ahead.