I have spent many times this afternoon looking at two photos of LP. I have realized I have a total adolescent Teen Beat style crush on him.

I can’t help it though . . . he’s just so dreamy!

I do wish I were being facetious, but I am not. I am being totally sincere. I am crushing hard.

I joked with my cousin T earlier that if I were a kid, I would totally have his posters all over my room.

Especially the two I received this morning.

The last time I saw LP (last Tuesday morning), he was dropping off his tux at the cleaners before flying off for his event. Of course, I wanted to see him in it, so I shot him a text yesterday asking him to shoot me the photos. I know LP well enough to know he would have taken pictures of himself. Anyone else would have sent photos from the event, but he sent the ones he took for himself.

He sent them around midnight when he was getting ready for bed. When we speak at night, it’s often after midnight, sometimes at late as 130 when we’re both getting ready for bed. Last night, I was sound asleep already thanks to my sleeping pill.

I saw his text first, sent at 730 am “sent.” There were two photos in my email, one a full length shot, the other, a closeup of his handsome face. He was, as I told him, in text response absolutely gorgeous. He really is. First, man in a tux: handsome. That’s just like a rule. Second, handsome man in a great tux: absolutely gorgeous.

He followed up with two photos he’d taken about twenty minutes after he’d sent the photo the night before. He wanted me to know that he was up late thinking of me and I loved it.

He’s still not completely real to me. We have not yet made plans to see each other now that he’s back. I am struggling to accept him at face value and not judge him harshly by our long painful separation or my insecurity. (Yes, I have some insecurity when it comes to him, which I will post about shortly.)

But . . .

All day long, I kept seeing his photos and beaming.

He is, as I told him, absolutely gorgeous. I miss him terribly though we’re back in regular contact. I could not stop thinking about the next night we would spend together, kissing and talking and laughing and loving each other. I have no idea when it will be, but I hope it will be soon. The happiest I’ve been in a long time was our laughing in bed last Tuesday, he laid atop me, and kissed me, as we laughed and told jokes and awoke to a world in which we actually seemed like a couple.