So it’s like my diary, right? Where I work out how I am thinking and feeling? Capturing special moments . . . fights, kisses, etc.?

Writing helps me figure out my thoughts and I know it’s wacky right now, and probably sounds logically inconsistent but I am trying to figure all this out while FINALLY giving myself permission to not swing for the fences every moment of every day. Swinging and missing has been killing me. You almost always miss. That’s what makes a home run so special. Now, I am giving my self permission to just get on base.

I have found myself smiling more often, sadly contemplating how it felt to be in LP’s arms less, and not spending time thinking about things I cannot control.

I am finding substantial joy in small things — a well-made quiche, a delicious meal, weight lost, how my body is responding post-injury. Small things I often overlooked for the past three or four highly emotionally charged months.

This change has been happening for a while, but it feels accelerated now that I am again alone-ish.

It’s going to continue to be random, but recovering from heartbreak is never easy, especially when the heartbreak is in coming to grips with some of the choices I’ve made in every aspect of my life.

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