When I have been at my most disconnected, I have spent all of my time with other people so I did not have to be alone with myself . . . a night alone was panic-inducing.
I have no idea how I am actually doing, but I feel happier alone.
I have forced myself to not contact TNG or LP, and I am pleased that now I cannot remember the last time I did. (we are only talking days, not weeks.)
Still, it feels different. I feel better. Tender, healing, raw, but better.
I miss LP, but it is wistful not tear-filled. I miss TNG, but I am happy thinking of him and the fun we had.
I had some solid business success yesterday as we tested a new thing and it seemed to work. If we can replicate the model, which was the point if the test, then I will be stable financially. Whether or not that happens, I am moving forward on my career reboot.
BFD and N and Q and JF have all expressed emotional support for the reboot, and they are anxious to see things happen. So am I . . .