I’ve had a very slow day today.
I had an early lunch with W at YM’s favorite place (he’s out of town for the weekend and asked me to, so I did) and came back to a work crisis. Now, I am just all low energy and blah. I am trying not to be as stressed as I do — and should — feel. It’s hormonal and situational, so I am going with it. I know enough not to fight it. I am, in fact, in super-soft pajamas with the cat purring on my lap and a glass of excellent Spanish wine I am drinking very slowly.
One of my new projects is rearranging everything within my condo. It’s 2br with what seems a huge open plan, so there are a ton of options for furniture. From time to time, I move everything around, but this is the biggest undertaking yet. I am moving my favorite room into my living room, turning my former library into a real guest room, turning my dining room into my office, and my office nook into an exercise area. Whew. And with the exception of moving the floor to ceiling bookshelves in the library into the living room, I am doing all of it solo.
(I drafted YM to help with the bookshelves, as he is young and spry.)
I am also cleaning every inch of space, including inches I should have been cleaning all along. It’s an enormous messy undertaking, but I am excited to reclaim it all and have it feel more mine and more comfortable.
(Another reason YM is helping with bookshelves only is as that will be the last thing to happen, the place will also be as immaculately clean as it is capable of being, which is good as he, like everyone else except LP, is an obsessive neat freak.)
My mom, who does interior design, developed the new space plan with me. It already feels different, after moving only the office last Friday/Saturday. I have a few items without new homes, but in general, I am excited for the whole thing to come together.
W asked me today over lunch whether having YM over will be a date. I demurred, but I suppose it will. Rather, I hope it will. I assume he does, too.
When I asked YM’s help a couple of weeks ago, I asked because he spends a lot of time helping out friends, running errands, helping them move. (He’s not working, he has limitless time and lots of single girlfriends.) We had a discussion on the phone, which was essentially “Y, are we friends?” “Of course, we’re friends.” I meant, if we’re friends we’re not dating. He meant, eh, here I have no idea. But I decided to take that as an opportunity to get him to help me. This was a couple of weeks ago, and we’re constantly refining and talking about where we are and are not. He appreciates that I’ve given him space and never pressured him. He knows, or should know, I have going on dates. He has said he is not dating anyone, though I am not sure I believe him, as I never really believe them. I know he’s very attracted to me, he knows I am very attracted to him. We both acknowledge we have great chemistry and that we love kissing each other. As for anything else, hard to say.
As he’s recovered from his lengthy illness, he’s become more flirtatious, but I am letting him steer that particular ship. He canceled on me, and it’s up to him to figure out if he wants to restart the physical side. I say this knowing we looked at hotel rooms for a fantasy trip and we’ve had a few conversations about a particular feature of my relocated office he finds intriguing. Us, alone here, it’s likely kissing will occur. I think.
I am going through this litany so I don’t feel snubbed by him right now. He’s on a trip with his friends, exhausted, and he’s posting about it, but he’s not texted me today, which would make it the first day in the nearly two months since we met. I should not take it personally, but I am on day one of a bad period, and I feel like being grumpy about it.
As for the floor plan, I am really excited to put a new plan into place. In fact, I should be doing that, instead of doing this, but it feels nice to sit and ponder and think about YM. It helps keep my mind off what this week also is . . . which is the first anniversary of my reconnection with LP. I reached out to him earlier this week, sending him our chain of emails, which began the day we met in Feb 09 and culminated 8 months later when he asked me out to dinner. He is away working, some 1500 miles from home. I did not contact him after receiving his response.
Tomorrow, there is another big football game I will watch with my friends. E and K moved into a beautiful place in the neighborhood adjacent to mine, so there place is where we gather. We will drink wine, and grill, and watch their team lose the game YM is attending 800 miles away.
I invited TNG to watch with us, as the boys all adore him, but he declined saying he wasn’t that interested in the game. When I spoke to him last night, I told him I’d be happy to make invitations to him and he seemed to think that would be fine.
I am not at a point where I want a boyfriend. I am not ready to make any big decisions about anything when I have so much on my plate. I am enjoying spending time with men I adore, except tonight, in my super-soft pajamas, delaying my furniture rearranging.