In a cab, heading toward his place, we continued to make a bit of a spectacle to our poor cab driver, and then were a bit sheepish about the fact that we could not stop kissing each other.
We live in different sections of the same part of town, him in a new building in a regentrifying section of downtown.
The kissing thing is funny because I can’t remember us ever really stopping. It did not advance any further, at least not by this point. No groping, nothing untoward, but waiting for his elevator, walking down the long hallways, we were completely connected.
We got into his place, a small modern loft, and threw our jackets off and went straight for the sofa. We finally started to undress a bit, just shirts, until he picked me up and carried me to his bed.
At no point were we ever fully undressed, and we did not do anything for which std screens would have been needed (i.e., no sex). We just kissed and snuggled together under his blankets and talked. We talked about his new book and his publishing deal. We talked about silly things. We talked about his tattoo (hot) and the fact he’s trying to quit smoking … while, in fact, smoking. We also again repeated our now refrain “we are totally dating other people” said with a wink and laughter.
Because I usually (with the exception of BFD) wait so long before I end up sleeping with someone, I draw very firm lines about what will and will not be happening. I didn’t with FM, but we both knew this was a preview and not the actual feature. Finally, at nearly 4 am, we kissed each other good night and went to sleep.
Sleeping in a new bed: ugh. I can never sleep. Never at LP’s. With TNG after taking a lot of allergy meds or sleeping pills. And I slept fitfully at FM’s too. I awoke around 730 and still couldn’t get on his network. He awoke a bit, grabbed his mbp from his desk, handed it to me, and went back to sleep. When I logged into twitter, I saw he’d already posted something innocuous about being up early on a day that would be so long thanks to daylight savings. I was kinda pissed, because I did not want to create the impression we were together. About twenty minutes later, after checking my texts and voicemails and messages, I figured that we were in the clear and no one was the wiser so I posted something about hot my bad night was saved and thanking him for letting me tag along. It made everything as quiet and meaningless as possible. An hour later, he logged back in and responded something like “sure!” Again, there was nothing to suggest that we were half naked in bed together the next morning.
I was wildly uncomfortable because I felt like I was intruding. He was exhausted. He’d had a horrifically bad week. He was meeting with lawyers to try to resolve things and he’d had personal and business things weighing on him. I’d told him long before I left that I’d be leaving. That I could pick up a car or a cab nearby. He was okay with my leaving as he wanted to sleep until 11.
The night before, in bed, we’d spoken about a festival happening that afternoon in our neighborhood. We had joked about the fact we’d be publicly outing ourselves as dating by going together. We were happy about it.
But now in the cold light of day, he was stressed and exhausted and I was uncomfortable … and a little worried about YM, who we’d tormented the night before. I got up, got dressed, kissed him goodbye and we discussed vaguely our plans for the day, but he was tired and already starting to beg off, which was fine.
So I left and went home and got a really specific food craving, as I was a bit hungover from alcohol, lack of sleep, and guilt. I took YM to breakfast and he … posted it, adding my name to his checkin. The jerk. It was probably a tweak to FM, but I was annoyed. Breakfast was great and relaxed. He’d asked me early via text if I still thought FM liked me: “I’m sorry it sucked to start, but glad it got better. Funny that you hung out with [FM]. He still have a thing for you?” I replied back, somewhat honestly, “doubtful.”
I mean, really, who the hell knows right?
I sent a message to FM who said he’d head to festival, but made it clear he was not interested in seeing me. Which was fine, as I’d interrupted his night to think and decompress and he had been amazing to me. So I gave him space.
I noted where he was (places/4sq etc) as it showed up and was charmed he was mostly in my neighborhood. As it was now Saturday, I ended up going with my best friend W to our local pub to watch an early game. YM and his friends were coming for the late game, and we ended up staying. I wanted FM to know that I was there, so I published my location, in case he wanted to skip it. Much to my surprise, he showed up before YM or anyone else. It was a little awkward, but I hugged him and we held hands across the table. When W left for a couple of minutes, we talked to resolve his concern that I thought it was awkward, where I clarified I meant leaving, and he clarified he was fine and we were both really happy about the night before.
The next person through the door, about 25 minutes later: YM. Of course.
To be continued…