So much, so much, so much . . .

There are so many different things happening in my life, I can barely keep it all straight. We’re still going out all the time. We’re still glitching here and there. And I have been balancing the fact that both BFD and LP have come back into my life, but barely and more as voices on the phone, though they each propositioned me. In fact, on Thanksgiving, LP asked me out.

And never followed through. But, his life is complicated and whatever. It wasn’t personal to me.

So, on Friday, the thing I’ve been working on that would stabilize my financial life, provide security and enough money to pay off some debts: cratered. Died. Done.

I fell apart.

I really did. I happened to have been texting FM, as I’d gotten so blotto on not very many drinks that I’d awoken on my bathroom floor at 850 am. (Yeah, I know, long story and everything was fine, but yeah…) He was checking on me while the conference call was happening, and I told him in real-time as I fell apart. He was amazing. FM is amazing.  He’s become one of my dearest friends, though we still fight from time to time.

So, things fall apart.

I reached out to YM, too, and told him I needed him “and [lunch] and maybe to cry.”  For a few reasons, we couldn’t coordinate our schedule and hours later, my girlfriend C texted me to say, let’s go for a hike in the park. We met downtown and ended up having a chat and then for an early dinner.  FM met us at a bar that feels like hanging out at someone’s house. We played board games (I killed him and C in a joint game of scrabble), then more friends joined us and our foursome wandered around and had a great time. From time to time, FM or C or YF (our young friend who is besties with both FM and YM) would pull me aside to ask “How are you?” And they cared. And I loved them all the more for it.

There is a lot else bubbling around, and I reached out to LP and he, too, reached back, and was great.

So, I will update and supplement and think more about it all, but I am feeling a lot of love right now and I am grateful to have so much love in my life from family, friends, and those who are both.