My girlfriend C, on whom all of my male friends have crushes, was gone for the holidays, and finally arrived home on the Tuesday after Christmas.  We decided to head out on the town with YM, FM, and D (YF, the man C is crazy about, was still out of town until late Wednesday).

C drives to YM’s and has YM drive to me.  We nearly get into an accident because of slick roads and an unfamiliar car, so we’re all incredibly stressed out when we get to D’s building and we can’t decide where to go — new club opening or my favorite wine bar.  FM texts he’s at the bar, so that’s where we go.

So many moments when this could have changed . . .

No one has a good feeling about anything, but we soldier on because we want to spend time with C and we’ve all not been together for a week and it’s cold and raining and we all try to ignore the portents.

We arrive and park and the 4 of us trundle up a staircase and into the bar and into a booth and begin unwrapping ourselves from multiple layers and we order wine while the boys order liquor. I am excited to tell C all about my evening with PR, so I start to tell her, including D in the tale, because she was there, and it all quickly falls apart.

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, she likes PR.  She still has her nose out of joint about the day and the night and she’s not being subtle about it.

I pay careful attention to things and I looked for any sign that they liked each other, or that she liked him, and there was nothing there.  They were friends.  They didn’t sit together. He was very publicly affectionate in front of her. There were no signs of anything.

However, this becomes an issue.  She goes outside and talks to FM and it becomes a disaster. I end up crying in our booth inside, with YM, while C, FM, and D are outside and this drags on for hours.  I finally apologize enough that D sort of accepts my apology, but then says very passive aggressively to me and FM: “[Plan] just wanted to get laid, so she talked about her ex-boyfriends, and that’s how she won.”

Um, what?!

Won, what exactly? But I took it, because I was being a good friend, and allowed FM to make me cry twice about it, and essentially promised that would not see PR again.

But then she had to be a total bitch about it.  She also then dropped the knowledge that she and PR did not meet how they said — i.e., he follows her creative work, but through a dating website big in tech world.  REALLY?!!!!

So, this now had pissed me off completely because I would NEVER have gone out with him or anything had I known. And, ew, gross.  And also, D and I appeal to such different people that why in the hell would a guy interested in her be interested in me.


We all leave stressed out and still fighting, and the fight continues the next day, and I realize then, that I am not going to let a petulant child determine who I can and cannot date.

Had I realized ahead of time that they’d gone out on a date . . . or even that she liked him, I never would have gone there.  I didn’t really go there.  We were all hanging out, she could have given me a sign, a hint, pulled me aside, anything to say “[Plan], I like him!” or even, he’s not available to you.  Before PR arrived, I asked about him, and she could have said “and I like him!”  She could have made sure he sat next to her instead of next to me.  She could have done anything to let me know she liked him.

Except she doesn’t. Not really.  She has, as she admits, the attention span of a fruit fly when it comes to men.  It is part of her shtick.  Even if she liked him, he made it clear he liked me.  I don’t say that to be bitchy, but he made his interest clear, and he made it clear early.

=== When I asked him later, he said he knew he liked me at the hotel bar.  It was obvious to me that there was a chemistry.  It was obvious by the time we had sushi that there was something there.  It was obvious before that, I suppose.  We had chemistry, we liked each other, and it was immediate. ===

My point was never to come between D and her crush.  They both told me they met elsewhere. Neither of them admitted the truth of it.  How could I have known and how could I be held responsible for shit I don’t know.  Not my issue, and yet, now all of my friends are angry with me as a result.

Bad, bad night . . . which never really improves.

Looking back later, I know this was a turning point among our friends.  Battlelines drawn, faultlines discovered, anger and jealousy laid bare.  As a result, everything changed.