From February 2-3 . . .

I genuinely like PR, the man I should be dating but am not as I’d not seen him since our very excellent date in early January.  He travels a lot, he works like mad, he teaches, and he’s in a band.  Let’s let that sink in.  He’s never here, never available, etc.

Our date was amazing. Fabulous dinner, great conversation, costume change, downtown club hopping, lots of cocktails, lots of closely holding me, proudly sporting me, excited to be with me, lots of public affection and boyfriendy behavior, followed by amazing sex. We were happy, but knew he’d be super busy, etc.

He held me off a bit with a busy “for now,” and stayed in touch, but distant, as usual.

His band had a show this week, so I emailed him through facebook to ask details, saying the girls and I wanted to go.  He sent back a cute note, mentioning that he was traveling early the morning after the show, but we should come.

The weather was awful all day — freezing cold, rolling blackouts, and he sent me a note saying “So, I think the show is still on tonight. I’m not drinking. Sick. And getting up at 4am. I will not be happy about this.” I told him I thought we were still coming out, and asked about cover.

Now, I have not paid cover to see a band play in 10 or 15 years. I have lots of friends in bands. I date guys in bands. I’ve worked with bands. I don’t ever EVER pay cover.  But, it’s a sensitive thing, because when you’re a working band, paying customers are important, and if you have the money, you pony up. He knows I know how it works. We’ve talked industry stuff. But, when I asked, I expected him to say he’d put me on his list.  He didn’t.

The cover was over $10/ and I covered my girlfriend C, as she was my date for the show.

We laughed about our outfits: C is super-petite and extremely hot in a rock club appropriate skinny jeans, chuck taylors, and a black leather jacket she borrowed from me.  I was in skinny jeans, python driving shoes, a black cashmere sweater, and a real overcoat as it was 18 degrees out.

We got there, went to the bar for drinks (she drank our local crap beer in a can, as it was that kind of place), and I got a cocktail.  It took a few minutes before we spotted PR, but I thought he looked right at me and didn’t seem to notice. I texted him though he was standing about 8 feet from me talking to two people. Finally, I just tapped him and it was aaaawkward.  We made fun of his hat, he made fun of my outfit, as he said I looked “Hamptons” which, yeah, and he confessed he was on a ton of antihistimes and drinking beer.  He was fidgety and nervous pre-show, and practically dancing around he was so filled with energy, so we left him to do his thing.

We . . . drank.

The show was great.  Like his band is really, really good.  He checked me out a few times, but he was not doing the over-the-top acknowledgement the way he had before. Which was fine.  Post-show, we got another drink, and went outside to smoke (she did, I was just there). I decided I wanted to buy a cd, as I actually had cash on me, so we ended up talking to the lead singer and later the bassist.  The lead singer gave us a cd, which was awesome, when he realized we’d paid to see just them: ”  I told him we knew PR and he said, cool, he knows a ton of people.  It was clear that PR did not have other girls there.  I really think I might be the girl in his life at this moment, which is what he’d told me.

The end of the night is a little fuzzy. I wanted to leave, but I also knew I should say goodbye (they have to do load-out after their show, and he has the most equipment, etc.) We look around and I finally spot him hugging a guy or something, having some sort of musician to musician conversation with a guy I’d been talking to earlier. I decided to pull C along and just tap him on the shoulder, like hey, dude, we’re bouncing. We have an intense conversation that lasts for 10 minutes or so. We are standing close together talking closely, but there is no physical contact of which I am aware. He tells me again, essentially, it’s just for now, this craziness in his schedule.

C was paying more attention and insists he looked like he wanted to kiss me the whole time.  I just felt weird and awkward, as again, it was late, I’d been drinking (3 vodka sodas in an hour and a half), it was freezing, and he was ill.

After we left, both his hot bandmate and PR reached out as we continued to joke via social media openly. It was light and fun and affectionate.

But still it felt like an ending, perhaps.

Time will tell.

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