I have been typing dutifully every day-ish to keep myself on track as I am working through some new personal goals.
But I have so much happening, so fast, I can barely keep up.
Over the past week, I’ve gone out with three different men and figured out that I would prefer to be in a relationship than outside of one.
Also, I sort of love the Bon Vivant, who sort of loves me. I did eventually get my dress back, and we are going to be seeing each other on and off for a while.
I have been also seeing a wonderful charming man who I’ve been referring to in posts (as yet unpublished) as the Real Deal. We had three excellent dates, but he’s gone silent in a way that speaks volumes, which makes me sad.
I have decided to lose 8-10 pounds. Finally. I have gone back and forth on it, but I like being thinner, though I look healthy and thin now, I prefer being smaller. To do that, I am cutting back on my drinking. I may still drink wine, but I am tempted to stop drinking altogether for a while.
I am also thinking about getting a new job. I need to make more money and the stress and strain on me and on people who depend on me is becoming overwhelming. I am trying to persevere, but I just cannot do it this way any longer, which I’ve been saying since I got a great job offer in March. While that disappeared — startups pivot, after all, there are other things I can do.
I am reading more and stretching myself socially.
I am cooking more.
I am focusing more inwardly to do what I can with where I am.
I am looking for happiness in small ways . . . whether focusing on being present or taking care of people I care for (like BV).
Last Tuesday, I got an immediate call from BV in response to my “hi, can you drop my dress in a bag” text. I went to his house and cooked for him, in the middle of the night. There are more parts to the tale, but I showed up because he really needed me and he let me be there for him because that is what we do. I have not let him in yet, but I am ready to say, okay, here’s the deal. If I know him, and I believe after more than a month that I do at least a little, I think it will be okay. We are there in very real intense ways.
There is so much happening that I can barely keep up as I am living it. But I am writing it, as this, too, is part of my process.