We all know I’ve been through a rough time.  

This entire blog is a chronicle of my starting over at the end of a 7 year relationship, massive weight loss, and then facing the fall-out from an economic collapse in my industry that has left me reeling, depressed, and impoverished.

It is not the happiest of places.

If you’re reading this site, it’s most likely because you came for the diet advice and stayed for the ridiculous romance.

And the romantic elements have been ridiculous.  I’ve been in love, I’ve been foolish, and I have dated a lot.

All of that . . . it’s helped keep me sane.

The dating nonsense is part of what makes surviving another day seem worthwhile.  It gives me hope for better days to come.  It is something that brings me more joy than pain.

I have fallen in love a couple of times.  I have had deeply satisfying romantic attachments.  I have dated within quarters that were far too close.

The romance is an easy thing to worry about.  

My long-term intractable problems: there’s little I can do.  I am dealing with the fall-out of an uninsured property damage issue that affected my neighbors.  It’s resulted in a constant state of stress and bullshit.  I am not surviving financially, after that damage affected me psychologically.  Long-term, I need to get a loan from BFD.  That will hurt, too.

I have gotten two excellent job offers this year.  Neither of which ultimately panned out.  I should be making 250-500k a year.  I feel lucky if I have $400 a month.  I’ve not had my hair done since this summer.  BFD offered me a gift certificate to my salon, but I can’t afford to pay the balance.  One of my best girlfriends, who owns an excellent salon, just gave me the, um, your hair. Yeah, I know. She was offering, but I can’t take her up on it.  I may see if I can do something in trade, but even so, it’s challenging.

I have been the most successful of my friends.  I have been a rock star in my world.  I have made and spent a lot of money.  I have been worth, on paper, several million dollars.  I helped put my ex through school, flown to Europe last minute for vacations, and I have a wardrobe on which I used to spend a few thousand dollars a month. 

But that was long ago.

Now, I am surviving.  Looking fairly normal if you don’t look too closely.

I have made it somehow, but it’s time to regain my footing again.  I am close.  I actually have several pending deals that are lucrative.  I took out the calc app on my phone and showed BV how much money I could make in the next couple of weeks. I am, for the moment, more focused on long-term survival.  I spent $100 I could not afford on Monday.  The idea was I would be getting it back from BV, but the reality is that he forgot.  He gave me $20 for a cab, but he forgot.  It’s okay, really.  I should not be living a life where $100 is economically significant.  Except I am.  For now.

I had a long talk with JerkFace, my best friend, on Friday.  He reminded me of who I used to be.  He appreciates the life I have now and he understands why I have new friends, as everyone else is married, kidded, or in serious relationships.  I was the first to settle down, and the first to become single again.  

He supports the life I have now, and he showed me he thinks I am on the cusp of getting back there.  He told me, you look and seem healthy, and I am much less worried than I’ve been.

It feels close to things being back on track.

I know who I am, who I’ve been, and who I can be again.  Every day, I need to keep putting myself back on track.  It’s tantalizingly close, and, to succeed, I need to stick to my path and feel like my best me.