As of yesterday, BV canceled 3 dates with me in 5 days. I’ve not heard from him since Sunday.

I am alternating between being infuriated and devastated. As time goes on, I feel more and more numb.

Allegedly, he’s been ill. I understand that I would say he is absolutely depressed and going through some things. I understand that. I have a sense for who he is and who he has been. I have been willing to help him get back on track.

He was not always so unbalanced.

When we first met, he was fairly stable. He was using drugs, of course, rather openly, as a matter of fact. But, he was tethered to the ground. He was sort of normal . . . playing golf, making plans, going to parties. In fact, he stopped the drugs while we were dating. He was happy and excited about not doing it.

He literally cleaned up his act to date me.

And then

Now, I know he is prone to depression. I know he tends to isolate himself.

If I think about it, I know he’s in trouble right now. It’s part of the reason I am reaching out to him.

He’s been back for ten days.

But, he’s been uncommunicative since the marathon video chat. In fact, I’ve not heard a word from him since Sunday, though I have messaged him three times: once to tell him about a venue change for last night, once to ask if I could drop off something I have for him (a calendar he will love that someone gave me), and today, to say, hey, two networking opportunities on Thursday and Friday, let me know if you’re interested.

The final message was indeed a final message.

I am, at this point, disconnected from him.

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