I did call BV as I was finalizing my plans to meet up with JerkFace, who has also not called me back.  It rang and then went to voicemail. Of course. As he rarely answers his phone.

It’s not fine.

It kinda sucks that he’s so unreliable.  Especially as he’s unreliable with the expectation, I believe, that it’s okay.  He treats me, when I am with him, as though we are in a serious relationship.  And yet his follow-through has always been terrible.

I have been forgiving of it because I’ve been seeing other people.  When he bails on me, I have other options.  I’ve had other options the entire time.

Since I met the Bon Vivant in early September, I have gone out with the creative exec, the hedge fund manager, the think tank exec, the college professor, the friend of a friend, the software developer, the game designer, the corporate consultant, the chef and probably several more men if I check my calendar, and I have been smooching my “ex-boyfriend” PR every three or four weeks.

Since I last had sex with BV, I had been sleeping with the friend of a friend and now, a full month later, I have slept with SD, who is off on a trip and rather interfering with my personal life.

On our fun-filled adventure night a month ago, we made out, but we did not have sex that night.  The next morning, he awoke and was in enough anguish that I urged him to fly home.

I think it was a month before that.  So, like 8 weeks ago?! That little four week sabbatical we took was right after we’d slept together for the last time.  Then he was gone for two weeks, and now he’s been back we made and canceled three dates as he was ill, and then rather depressed.

So, I am sitting home on a Saturday night, when I could be out, and I am getting more and more aggravated.  It’s just a silly thing.  And everyone else has other plans — PR is at a work thing (not that he’s a real option, he’s just still on my mind from Wednesday night), FM is on a date, W is on a date, SD is out of town, my girlfriends C and HB are both busy, Tattooed Brunette is out of town.  And, frankly, I don’t want to see anyone who is a real date.  I am not ready to bring new people in.  I am enjoying the people I have right now.

I am supposed to see friend of a friend this weekend, probably tomorrow night.  I could also see BV tomorrow night, if he gets around to calling me.  We often went out on Sunday afternoons early on, but that was before I was spending the night with him every time we went out.

Were I smart, I would decide just to stay in tonight, to rest up for tomorrow and for next week’s trip.

I am exhausted, I have been out a lot this week, and I was at a game today with FM.

I should just chill.

I should stop ranting about BV or being annoyed I’ve not heard yet from Friend of a Friend.  Last Saturday, I was with SD from Saturday night through Sunday evening and perhaps taking a Saturday off is good.

As I am ranting, I am also upset with BFD, who I’ve not seen in about 5 weeks.  He’s one of my best friends, and I miss him terribly.

I am slowly talking myself down, which is why I write this shit in the first place.

I should just relax and unwind and not worry so much.

I have a ridiculously overstuffed social life.  I have men clamoring to get on my schedule.  I have a lot of wonderful things happening.

That I have a relationship of sorts with someone who is unavailable . . . is rather par for the course for me.  His unavailability is infuriating only because he lacks the excuses of the others.  The behaviors are all the same.  For the most part, I am fine with people who are unavailable because I have an overstuffed social life and I also need a lot of time alone.

I can’t tell you the number of dates I left with BFD to go to parties late or to meet friends for drinks.  I have often stacked dates, combining events, etc.

Again, the more I am writing, the less angry I am.

Tomorrow, I will meet JerkFace out and drop the present at BV’s concierge desk.  It will make my life much easier.  I will know he has it.  And, likely, I will see him if he happens to be around.  It’s also possible I will see him on Monday to watch the football game.

And if I don’t see him until I am back, well, that’s sometimes the way such things go.

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