This is my first weekend since I’ve decided to take myself off the market. It’s also a weekend when I need a date for a thing.
Technically, of course, I am seeing the Bon Vivant. But, I’ve not heard from him since late Sunday night.
My choosing to be off the market has to do with BV, but it’s also about simplifying my life.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve gone out with a lot of different people. It’s been too much. Like way way way too much.
So my pledge to BV is more about me than about him. I am giving myself the gift of freedom from concern about being in a relationship. I am in one.
Or at least I think I am.
We have not spoken since I called to tell him I was home safe. It’s not unusual for us to go days without speaking under the best of circumstances. And at the time we parted on Sunday, it was both the best and the worst.
I actually don’t know if we are still together. I mean, I assume we are, but I have no earthly idea.
What I do know for certain: I am monogamous with him and celibate on my own, if we are not together. I have turned down sex as recently as um 10 minutes ago. (FM, drunk and high, propositioned me as I put him to bed.) I turned down M on Sunday and Monday.
I will have some decisions to make at some point, but thanks to my rule, I am out of commission for about a month until my next period.
The Bon Vivant feels confident that I do not sleep around. And he’s right. I don’t. And I will be loyal to him as I had promised.
But I am frustrated with him already. I texted him on Wednesday to ask him to go with me to an art thing today. No response. Today, I sent him an invite to a show on Saturday. No response. I have a plus one on Saturday and I need to bring a date, but I can’t ask anyone who is a potential.
The show I was supposed to bring him to is PR’s show tomorrow. I don’t want to. In fact, I intentionally did not invite him. I will be fine alone on Friday as I will have my girlfriend BMG there along with all of our other friends. Because there is some uncertainty with me, with a now-single PR and with BV, I am choosing to fly solo. I have no doubt that tomorrow night will find me home alone.
Saturday is more complicated. It’s essentially a work function for me, and none of my friends will be there. I always do that stuff alone and I hate it. If BV doesn’t join me, I don’t know what I will do. tattooed brunette has a date, hot blonde has a date, RA and C have dates. Everyone else I can think of wants to date me or has recently dated me.
I am giving the Bon Vivant some space. I know he needs it. And I am trying not to take it personally. Still, it sucks to know that I may end up at this show alone. And it sucks to know that I may not be with BV this weekend after how incredible last weekend was.
Because I know him, it’s pretty much guaranteed that I’ll not see him. He wants time apart. He needs it. And I need to show him I am here but not pining. Even if I sort of am.