It was always going to be a strange night.

I was going with the Tattooed Brunette to an art opening that would be filled with hipsters and cyclists. That meant it was likely I’d see PR’s friends and perhaps the man himself. 

TB and I met at a hipster bar that also has great food. I ordered something as I knew I was likely to be drinking a little.

I have given up liquor for lent, but I am still drinking wine and beer.

I get a white wine, not wanting a repeat of the red wine incident from the night before when my teeth and lips bore the stain of red wine. The super hot bartender lets me know its going to be awful wine. And it is. But I am not wanting to move on to beer.  Yet.

I add ice to it and I am also drinking club soda. I grab a famous dish from the trailer out back and TB and I are cacthing up.

I am … depressed actually. I had reached out to the Bon Vivant via phone and text [no response ] and LP via text [no response].  Their rejection feels huge.  I am also feeling unattractive.  essentially, I am a giant ball of ick. 

I tell all of this to TB who tells me (1) I am crazy and (2) I should move.the fuck on. 

Seriously, you would all love her.

So I eat and we wrap up and walk the two blocks to the opening.

It’s crazy packed with really handsome Hipsters, which is more my thing than hers. I spot PR and his best friend PR, Jr. immediately.  They don’t see me. They’re standing off on their own, drinking beer and talking. I point them out to TB, who knows PR, Jr from the summer and PR from a show I took her to when she made the cogent observation that we were not yet done.

She asks if we should go say hello as they are 15 feet away, but haven’t seen us. I say yes. I am pissed at PR for reasons that have little to do with him … and he has no idea.  [His ex-gf published a nasty thing about me to the internet — not using my name — but it’s affected my relationships with that whole crew … which was her point. ]

[Another aside: in the aftermath, bandmate’s girlfriend told me that they all love me and that the most stable of them said he liked me the best of anyone PR has ever dated.]


I am annoyed at PR, but I drag TB over and I side hug him and then fully hug PR, JR and kiss him on  the cheek.

PR is happy to see me. He is in full-PR mode: they’ve been here for a bit, drinking beer. We all acknowledge it’s a Hipster party and I tell my old joke about not being a Hipster, but being “hipster-adjacent,” which is sort of a joke about me and PR and it becomes a.riff on all the things you actually are but claim you’re not. I take the joke bawdier, which PR loves, of course.

I wander off with TB in search.of.the bar. She’s drinking water as we were out last night and she’s a bit worse for.the booze (I had stuck to a single glass of wine.) 

The deal is that you buy a glass for $5 and they refill it for free. It’s great beer, as such things go, so I buy the glass and we head to the beer line and then back inside.  We don’t immediately join PR and PRJr. Instead, we check out.the art and the room. I bump into friends and we.check out the art and we are having fun. We eventually wander.back over to the guys, who are now.back in the beer line. We cut… shamelessly.  And hang with them the rest of the time.

PR and I have two REALLY important conversations. The first is about work — he wants my resume and wants to help me find a new job; the second is about a dinner his band is doing at the Chef’s restaurant next week with their SOs.  PR invites me for two reasons: I am the reason the chef is working with them on this project; and it’s the restaurant to which PR had asked me on our first formal date. (They were on holiday, so we went elsewhere and he’s never been. It’s been a topic of conversation for us for a year. A year.)

Ultimately, they run out of beer and ultimately someone has the great idea to take our party back to the Hipster bar from whence TB and I had come.

We squeeze into a spacious Booth in the front — PR, Jr then PR then me and then TB. Two other guy friends of PR ‘s join us. I know one of them, as he works for PR.

PR, Jr gets up to get a.round of tall boys, which we pour into  pintglasses.

We are all laughing and talking and nothing seems amiss. I am sitting next to PR, which is complelely normal. 

TB gets up to go to the ladies room and I don’t join her.  It’s the last memory I have from last night.

The next thing I remember:

In the middle of the night in the darkness of his bedroom, PR and I crawl into bed, post-coitus. I say something to him about sex and he says that he just finished so he was good.

We fall asleep naked.

I wake at 5 am, disoriented and nauseated.  I grab my phone and realize I haven’t told anyone that I am okay. I try to get signal on my phone and fail.  I send texts that don’t get delivered for 5 more hours.

I go to the kitchen l, grab water and then I head back to bed. He’s sort of adorable when he’s asleep.

He cuddles up with me at times and we comfortably sleep together. Around 730, he awakens goes to the bathroom and then pulls down the shade which takes it from super-bright to bright. I laugh.  He goes back to sleep. Slinging his arm across me. Then holding on to my hip bone.

I snooze but I am rather freaked out. I am at PR’s place with no memory of at least six hours. We had sex, which he’d confirmed as.we fell into bed. I would have k own upon waking because I was sore. 

We had sex in the living room and I cannot imagine that we used a condom. I mean, it’s possible but unlikely. When we had sex before — a year ago — we did not.use.them.  We prevented pregnancy but not disease. And now, I don’t think we prevented anything.

He has no idea that I don’t know. It’s an added humiliation.  I got drunk, I slept with him and I have no memory of it. Awful.

When he finally awakes, it’s late, nearly 10 am.  He’s completely aroused as he makes his way to the bathroom.  I am sort of impressed by how attractive I find him. He’s a little pudgy, but I find him ad endearing as a big bear.

He’s not.feeling well and anxious to get on with his day. So am I.

We are both aware this was not.a.great idea. We are also both aware we are set to see each other tonight.

He drives me home without my asking and without discussion.  We chat in the car but we are mostly quiet.  Something has changed and — as I have zero memory, I do not.know.what.

And now I am heading off to see him in 15 minutes.