It finally happened.

I saw the Bon Vivant.

It was okay. It went as well as such things can go. I looked great, I was nearly completely sober (I’d had wine and food at home before heading out.) I saw him before he saw me and was able to steel myself for a good 20 minutes before I approached him — er, them.

I am left with one overwhelming thought: what the fuck was I thinking?

No, seriously.

What the fuck was I thinking?!

How did I lose sleep over this guy? What did I see in him that got me so twisted in knots?!

Because tonight, uh, I don’t see it.

He seemed small to me in every way. Insignificant and small.

He hugged me and kissed my cheek and I felt … nothing.

He means nothing to me.

He is past.

I believe I have closure.

more to come when I am not falling asleep at 326 am…

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