It finally happened.
I saw the Bon Vivant.
It was okay. It went as well as such things can go. I looked great, I was nearly completely sober (I’d had wine and food at home before heading out.) I saw him before he saw me and was able to steel myself for a good 20 minutes before I approached him — er, them.
I am left with one overwhelming thought: what the fuck was I thinking?
What the fuck was I thinking?!
How did I lose sleep over this guy? What did I see in him that got me so twisted in knots?!
Because tonight, uh, I don’t see it.
He seemed small to me in every way. Insignificant and small.
He hugged me and kissed my cheek and I felt … nothing.
He means nothing to me.
He is past.
I believe I have closure.
more to come when I am not falling asleep at 326 am…