When you are prone to disordered thinking, there is no such thing as a “goal weight.”

I stepped on my scale this morning and was instantly excited: 115. That’s been my goal weight for the past year when I decided to lose the weight my friends had begged me to gain.

As my thinking is disordered, I then started thinking: I should lose 5 more pounds so the most I ever weigh is 115. I know my weight fluctuates over the course of the week, depending on how many parties and how much stuff is going on.

There are days I have canceled plans because I either feel fat or I know I have some big event coming up and I don’t want to be heavier.

I do know this is not “normal,” but it my normal. I am not alone in this among my friends or my family. We all eat too little and/or workout too hard and/or fast and then binge and then fast again.

Whatever my “goal weight” is, I make adjustments once I hit it.  Like now. I am comfortable at 115, but 113 would be better.