Anorexics should not have food blogs.

Or, if they do, they should pretend they eat normally.

Because I am, I do, and I don’t, I am almost embarrassed writing up some posts. 

I was just thinking to myself, that was an excellent salad for $12 at what is considered a very overpriced restaurant, and the meal I had there the night before, $14 for an amazing dish. 

When I say very overpriced, the food community here has been divisively up in arms about how ridiculously overpriced this restaurant is.

What I realized is that both meals were probably tiny by normal standards.

I mean, I am not completely certain, but I suspect they might be.

I am a little afraid I will be outing my disorder when I post what I feel is normal.

But, then I also remember that, well, it’s not like it’s not suspected anyway.

I am going to likely be on tv next week . . . and I am horrified because I think I weighed 10 pounds more than I do now.  Plus, camera does add.  I am more freaked about how I will look than how I may sound.  I am hoping we did not make the show.  I am skipping the watch party as a matter of fact.

And yet, the fact I am thinking about the public perception of my weight issues is a sign that I am healthier.  Because I know I am not normal.  As opposed to thinking I am completely sane and everyone else is a little crazy.

My brain is functioning better and every hour I have some realization about the insanity I have been enduring and perpetrating and surviving and I know that I am legitimately recovering from whatever the fuck it is that has tormented me and from how I have tormented myself.