I quit my job.


I did it over dinner at a restaurant.  And then I pushed it out to social media.  Where my replies blew up.

My closest friends were celebratory.  Others were cautious “congrats?”

I am thrilled.

He is already trying to recruit me back.  He handwrote a contract in my journal.  I am meeting with him today and pitching him on Saturday.

It’s amicable, but I need a real job.  I need income.  I need options and a future.

Bad family shit precipitated it.  My brother called  me, and my brother and I have not really spoken in two years.

So, I did it.

I let BV know obliquely.  I reached out to him when I saw he was on the book of faces.  He did not reply back.  I did not tell him the substance.

I did sort of decide “whatever, dude.”

He comes home tomorrow, I think.  He posted on a guy friend’s status plans he has for Saturday with him.  And I’ve not heard a word regarding his return other than “god make it the 22nd tomorrow.”

It is, as I told RA via IM, just as likely he assumes he’ll see me as we spent every night together before he left, as well as the weekend before, as that he does not intend to see me as he needs time and space to reintegrate into his life and he is afraid I will be “clingy.”

But, whatever, dude.

He should have called and said something.  I’ve suffered with him as he’s gone through his stuff and he should have called and said something.  He should have messaged me.  He’s very good at the honesty thing, even when it hurts.

I know he loves me.  I know this went poorly for him.  I know he needs to lick his wounds and fix his life.

But . . .

I’ve begun hardening myself towards him already.

I am focused on my new life, my new work, and moving on with the moving on.

It’s about time.

It took a horrifically bad conversation with my brother for me to publicly put into action what I have been doing behind the scenes.

Coming into the light on it was important.

I am now publicly accountable to a lot of people.  I am scared, but I am mostly excited.

I am — once again — making power moves.