I feel, at the moment, as though I am the third wheel in The Editor’s relationship with his newly separated best female friend, who is currently living with him.
She has cast a pall over us, and the difference from when she moved in has been remarkable.
I am being outwardly supportive, but catty about it.
Now, I have begun speaking to him as if I am the interloper in their relationship, to see if he notices.
He has not appeared to notice.
We had a lengthy fb msg conversation in which we appeared to be speaking past each other and he fixated on a really stupid joke I made, struggling to understand what I could possible have meant.
It was all annoying and the next morning, when I clarified, he responded: “You see, even if I don’t edit your chat messages, I analyze them to death.”
He does. And then he misses the substance of what I am communicating.
In several different messages, I said variations of this: “Why don’t you find out if you and [woman] are going first. I certainly understand if you’d rather see it with her. I would be happy to see it with the two of you, but you should speak to her first.”
What I am saying to him is, that is your relationship. You check with her, and you let me know what the two of you decide.
He has not appeared to understand the point I am making, as he views her as a friend, though one who has no social interest in interacting with me, as he has told me repeatedly.
I will continue to behave as if I am the third wheel in their relationship.
This is not a situation in which I expected to find myself. Once here, I am not remaining silent. I have told him at various times and in various ways, I appreciate what you are doing, and I am being patient, but it is impacting us.
He does not seem to realize that part of it. Or, he thinks it’s recoverable. Or, he doesn’t care.
I guess those are the three options.
I am just a woman he is seeing/dating. We are now in a sexual relationship, and we’ve been talking for months, but, at the end of the day, this is very new.
I was pleased that he drew firm lines in the beginning, and then insisting he have a night each week without her there has kept me with him longer.
But, this weekend, he has failed to set plans with me, asking if we could “play it by ear,” insisting adding “… in the unlikely case that playing by ear ends in default.” He is painting his place, with her help, which had been part of the reason she was supposed to stay there. He’d shown me paint tests on our first date, as a matter of fact.
I have been pouting as a result. I have already agreed to the “one night a weekend” thing, which this week was modified to include “not during the week” thing. And now, because of his home project, likely not this week.\
She is very much a part of my relationship with the Editor, and he is not managing it well.
I understand her separation is just three weeks old. I understand that he is shouldering a lot of her emotional burden. I am being sensitive to all of that.
And, I am openly behaving as though she is an important part of his life, inviting her to events, encouraging him to hang out with her. But, he knows, it appears, that we our dating and that he needs to see me regularly. I will be interested to see if he asks me to do something late tonight. If he doesn’t, it’s okay. If he does, it’s a huge sign to her that while she is living with him and spending all of this time with him that she is not his girl.
Unless (or until) she embraces that, I will continue to behave as though I am the third wheel.