After spending a night with the New Yorker, he left for a business trip on Tuesday morning, intending to return on Thursday during what was a huge week of events.
This is the diary portion of this post, dear Readers, during which I copied our text and fb exchanges. This is boring and skippable, but it’s stuff I am going to want to remind myself about in the days to come.
On Wednesday after 6 pm, I message him about a movie premiere to which I had two tickets for Thursday, when he’d be returning to town:
On November 14, 2012 4:21:45 PM PST, I wrote:
I have a +1 for the premiere of that new … tomorrow night at the ….
If you’re back in … Thursday without other plans, join me. If you have better options, which is likely, let’s meet for a drink later.
On November 14, 2012 4:39:56 PM PST, he wrote:
Hey!! I’m not back there til Friday 😦
On November 14, 2012 4:40:29 PM PST, I wrote:
On November 14, 2012 4:45:48 PM PST, he wrote:
i knowwww 😦 sorry babe. thank you for the invite tho
On November 14, 2012 4:47:47 PM PST, I wrote:
of course! for some reason i thought you were back thursday.
On November 14, 2012 4:48:30 PM PST, he wrote:
i was! but it changed. everything keeps changing, my company is annoying
On November 14, 2012 4:48:57 PM PST, I wrote:
that suuuuucks and not in a good way
On November 14, 2012 4:49:12 PM PST, he wrote:
i know 😦
On November 14, 2012 4:49:43 PM PST, I wrote:
I am seeing you on Friday though. You’re already on my calendar. 😉
On November 14, 2012 4:49:52 PM PST, he wrote:
On November 14, 2012 4:50:02 PM PST, he wrote:
and you have to come visit me in NYC soon
On November 14, 2012 4:50:50 PM PST, I wrote:
On November 14, 2012 4:51:12 PM PST, he wrote:
ok off to the […] game. chat soon good lookin
On Friday, I checked in with him, essentially to confirm the party for that night.
Me: so… you back in [town]? still doing that party? still miss me? [planner] 4:01 PM
Him: Had to go home 😦 in NYC 4:22 PM
Me: 😦 5:28 PM
Me: Seriously bummed you won’t be around what is already a ridiculous [event] weekend. I was really looking forward to doing that […] show with you tonight. And then trying to top Monday. 5:50 PM
Him: I’m pissed 😦 6:14 PM
Me: Well I am glad I got to see you Monday. Wish you’d made it back. 9:15 PM
Him: Me too 😦 see u again soon I hope 9:46 PM
Me: you will. 🙂 1:49 AM
The entire weekend was insane. It ended for me on Monday morning about 930 am after the last party ended and then I went out for breakfast with a bunch of people I’d just met.
Monday evening, I got a text from him:
Him: Miss ya 8:47 PM
Me: miss you, too. 🙂 8:53 PM
Him: 🙂 8:54 PM
Me: loved seeing that new picture you posted. so handsome. 9:06 PM
Him: 🙂 thanks babe 9:07 PM
Then on Tuesday, I reached out when I noticed an accolade for one of his companies, which he co-owns, which he’d mentioned on facebook:
Me: congrats on […]! that’s a huge milestone. 5:37 PM
Him: Thanks!!!! We’re happy, [business details] 5:37 PM
Me: Wow!!!! That’s awesome. 5:39 PM
Him: Yes! 5:40 PM
Me: I will definitely check it out the next time I am in NYC. 5:42 PM
Him: You have to! Plus I live a couple blocks away 🙂 5:43 PM
Me: well, that is convenient. 🙂 5:52 PM
Me: But let’s be honest. I cannot imagine if I saw you in new york (or anywhere else) that i’d be spending much time out of bed. 5:56 PM
Him: 🙂 5:56 PM
Him: That’s correct 5:58 PM
Me: 🙂 5:59 PM
Tuesday, I left the coffee shop from which I had been texting him to go and grab wine with the guys and then celebrate the Software Developer’s birthday.
Wednesday, the day before thanksgiving, I met up with JerkFace early, as I’d left my computer in his car Tuesday night. We drank a ridiculous amount of wine, and I spent about an hour talking about scandalous things I’ve done. I also met a Spanish former European soccer player who asked for my number and then texted me all weekend, when I was too physically exhausted to leave my bed or respond.
When I got home, I did not notice I’d had a text from my New Yorker, but I responded back hours later when I awoke:
Him: Fuck I miss u. 12:59 AM
Me: I miss you, too, baby. 2:48 AM
There is something rather amazing about his message.
It moved me more than anything else.
For reasons that make no real sense, we have this connection between us. And the exasperation in his message is so clear. It’s late, he’s tired, and he misses me.
I cannot think of a night when I have not thought about him. I have tried hard to be reserved in my expressions to him. I live far from him, we live busy lives, I am significantly older than he is, but I miss him daily. It’s ridiculous.
I texted him a happy Thanksgiving around noon his time the next morning on thanksgiving:
Me: Happy thanksgiving, [name]. Best wishes for an excellent holiday! [Planner] 11:18 AM
Him: You too babe! Enjoy 🙂 miss ya 11:18 AM
Me: Miss you! 🙂 11:22 AM
Him: :):) 11:23 AM
I became suddenly ill on Thanksgiving, filled with exhaustion I could not beat. I fell asleep at a bar watching a football game, went to bed at 10, and slept on and off all day Friday.
I texted him on Friday afternoon when I got my weekly email analytics message:
Me: a quirk of the holiday week, but according to my email analytics: “Top contacts this week [full name].” oops. 3:27 PM
Him: Hahaha yay! 3:29 PM
Me: 🙂 3:31 PM
Later that day, I saw he was sitting courtside at a game at which another friend of mine was also in attendance and also posting photos of his (much worse) seats. This friend of mine — former rock star who is now a successful lawyer in NY.
On November 23, 2012 4:03:32 PM PST, I wrote:
My facebook is currently filled with pre-game photos from that arena, from worse angles than yours. Of course.
On November 23, 2012 4:22:08 PM PST, he wrote:
Hahaha too many non-VIP friends!
On November 23, 2012 4:23:12 PM PST, I wrote:
On November 23, 2012 4:27:24 PM PST, I wrote:
don’t be jealous: i have an album release party for […]. there is a red carpet and a short film about the making of. see the fun you’re missing in [town]?!
On November 23, 2012 5:20:24 PM PST, he wrote:
On November 23, 2012 5:29:28 PM PST, I wrote:
🙂 miss you. let’s remedy that soon.
On November 23, 2012 11:46:28 PM PST, he wrote:
I started writing this after recovering from exhaustion and sleeping for 40 of 48 hours this weekend. It bummed me out entirely because I genuinely miss this guy. I think it’s because we set plans to spend a weekend together and then couldn’t do it. So, there is an actual loss.
I spent that weekend without him doing ridiculous things: dancing until dawn, hanging with PR and our friends and PR’s girlfriend who finally acknowledges my presence, despite the fact PR hits on me shamelessly when she’s not paying attention, and doing scandalous things at a super-private vip party to close out that weekend that should cause me a bit of shame and yet doesn’t.
Still, throughout it all, I missed him.
And we were in daily or near-daily contact, mostly initiated by him. I am a stranger to him, far far away, and he has a vibrant public life, so I am trying to throttle back on “omg I want to be with you all the time” even if that’s how I feel.
I don’t want to be with him all the time, but I want to see him. I am somewhat obsessed with the idea of spending a weekend with him in New York, knowing we would have adventures and knowing too that we would have ridiculous amounts of sex.
I had forgotten that I tweeted congratulations publicly about his company and added him to the end of the tweet. My heart sank when I saw he, days later, retweeted me. Immediately, I went to my feed and scanned it for betrayals of some of the stuff I’ve actually been doing, references to other men, etc.
I decided to do initial, preemptive damage control:
Me: hi, sweetheart. happy sunday. 🙂 3:32 PM
Him: U too babe 3:32 PM
An hour later, after much thought and discussion with a guy friend, I decided to reach out to tell him that I wanted to talk to him. We’re both ridiculously busy, especially at night, but I miss the sound of his voice:
Me: This might sound silly, but I miss the sound of your voice. I know we’re both busy (you even more than me), but let’s find a time to talk/video chat this week. 4:50 PM
Him: Cool sounds good. I’ve never video chatted in my life by the way haha 4:51 PM
Me: Ha, then we HAVE to facetime. 5:02 PM
Him: How do I do that? 5:04 PM
Me: from your laptop. you have a webcam built in to the top of your screen. 5:05 PM
Him: Oh ok 5:08 PM
Me: video is more like sitting in the same room having a conversation…and I get to see your face, which I recall rather liking. But, my point is let’s talk by phone or whatever this week. 5:16 PM
Him: Sounds great 5:17 PM
Me: 🙂 5:18 PM
So, it’s been two weeks of texting with a guy I met randomly at the start of a week of events. Despite being surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of remarkably attractive, equally successful (if not more) men who hit on me, I have been in daily contact with this man from New York.
He’s been remarkably consistent in his desire to have me come to New York to see him on his turf. He travels constantly, and he could see me anywhere, so I like that he wants to see me where he lives, to go to his restaurant, etc.
I love the idea, as it would be a ridiculous adventure, but it also makes things more real, especially if I stay with him.
I occasionally freak out to myself about how many other women he’s texting “miss ya,” how many other women like me exist in cities he travels to regularly. But . . . I sort of think that I am an exception. He’s a guys guy. When he has tickets for things, he’s taking guy friends or married couples along. Women throw themselves at him constantly, of course, which seems to make him less likely to act rather than more.
But who knows. We’re still at fling stage.
Those dark thoughts don’t cloud the fact that he makes me feel special, even though that’s sort of his stock-in-trade. He’s amazing at it, actually, and I am enjoying the ride and embracing it will be short and satisfying.