I have — for years — been struggling financially.

I got into a bad business deal, which became a terrible business deal, and I have been unable to extricate myself.

I have been unable to aggressively market myself.

I have been unable to save myself on my own.

The amount of money is takes to get me back in the game is so ridiculously low, I have been embarrassed to admit it: $1,000.

That’s it.

That is the amount of money I needed to pay to get everything straightened out.

And, so, after I had a working breakfast with kissing and hand-holding with LP, who was just back from a business trip, I asked him in his $100k car “hey, if you know anyone who needs to have little stuff done, let me know because I need to make some money.”

LP: “Well, we want to hire you to do the outline of this [project we’ve been discussing], so how about a retainer of $5,000.”

Those words, and then within an hour, actually handing me a personal check for five thousand dollars changed everything in my life.


It’s a small sum of money.  For him, it’s nothing. But he just saved me.

I am trying hard not to overstate this, but $2,000 would have been an extraordinary windfall.  $5,000 means I can, without concern, reopen my bank account, buy a functional used or refurb computer or tablet or chromebook, and most importantly pay professional license stuff.

I am not going crazy.  I have certain expenses I had postponed that now I can manage, like buying concealer, new facial cleanser, etc.  Stupid things.  Impoverished things.

LP has no idea, nor should he, of the sacrifices and privations I have endured.  These were choices I had to make.  Food vs driver’s license, for example.

Or how literally the most important thing in the world to me is a key because it means I have a place to sleep.

A key.

For a place to sleep.

And now, I get to go to the headquarters of people in my field and hand them a check and they turn the little light on my page back to active.

And I can make money again.

In addition, and this is a hard thing to overstate, the project that I am framing is for my dream job.

Which means that if this goes well, I will be running my dream company.

There were some tears shed yesterday privately.  Some happy hour priced glasses of champagne lifted.

I called a few people.  This is the news they have to hear from you directly, so I called a few people to say, um, this is big.

My friends — some of whom are also my creditors — were beyond thrilled.

The Writer had a few interesting reactions that made me a little concerned about our relationship, but he is having a very rough week and I can forgive him framing  my good fortune in the ways it benefits him.

But, I have noted that he did.  And I am not happy.

The retainer to frame my own dream job is is a VERY BIG DEAL.

Both parts of it are huge.

I am beyond thrilled.