It’s hard to describe exactly how great I feel.
I am not certain that I’ve ever been happier. I feel strong, I feel confident, I feel powerful, I feel desirable. I feel like the best version of the best me.
Two things have happened to account for this blissful happiness: a) I got my dream job, which starts in two weeks; and b) I am in love with my long-distance fling, who is no longer a fling and might not be long distance for long.
To be honest, the first thing is really all that needed to happen. The dream job is making everything else possible. I am strong and confident and powerful and desirable.
I am more attractive to my friends and to my love.
I am walking through life differently and with purpose.
I have a weird skill set and a strange job. I had often joked and “joked” among my friends that the only way I would get another job for which I was truly qualified was through my “ex-boyfriend network.”
My ex-boyfriends — the alternate reality, BFD, LP, and PR — were my best shots at getting back on my feet. They are all wealthy and well-connected. Allegedly, they all have my best Interests at heart. I couldn’t do this in a vacuum. I needed someone to believe in me.
LP, the best and worst thing that ever happened to me, saved me. Twice.
He saved me in September when he wrote me a check to frame what ultimately became this job. He enabled me to find a steady place to live, to get my professional license sorted out, to begin working again, earning money — not a lot but enough to live, to begin to build back my confidence, my reputation, my life.
Then, two weeks ago, he took me to lunch and told me he wanted me to work with him on a thing he wanted to launch. He’d worked out a lot of the logistics, which he outlined, and I realized that this was going to happen.
It’s what I had hoped would happen and feared never would. And yet, now, here it was.
I almost immediately told the LDF, my long-distance fling of 18 months, who was thrilled and proud and excited for me. The LDF loves me and is always proud of me and thrilled for me.
I have seen him since I got the job. As always, it was a best of times, worst of times trip where we spent less time than we wanted, got our schedules derailed by external people, and yet grew closer and more committed. We talked and shared and made commitments to — at a minimum — figure it out.
There will be more to come on all of this but I am so so so happy.