Five pounds.

It’s not a ton of weight, even colloquially, but it feels momentous to have last five pounds in four days.  The weight loss has been slowing: 2 pounds, 1.4 pounds, .6 pound. I am afraid it will stop.

On the start of day 5, I lost another pound.

If I could keep at even a .6/day clip, I’d keep on this diet for another month and hit my goal weight, which is 15 pounds less than right now. I have more weight to lose. According to the weight tracking program I am using, at 2 lbs/week, I will hit my goal by late August. 

I went grocery shopping and ended up spending $110 for 3 days of food.  Oops.

Having done this diet for four days, I am going to keep it going for as long as I can.  That means I googled where near our hotel I can grab juice and I picked up raw vegan superfood trail mix ish stuff I can throw in my bag.  How does it taste? No idea.  Was it expensive? Oh, yes.

Yes, this means I am intending to go see the LDF while doing this raw vegan bullshit. I will have to break it when I am with him, but other than that, I should be in good shape.

My commitment to this is because I do feel better and I am seeing progress already. Five pounds in four days is significant. I might have seen the same from Atkins induction, but I’m so carb light anyway, it never made that much difference.

Having a routine to which I am committed that I don’t have to think about is making this very easy.

The worst part about it is also the best part about it: I’ve had to radically alter my lifestyle. I schedule people for coffee rather than lunch.  At “coffee,” I drink tea. I have not had any alcohol since Tuesday, when the reporter and I had a ridiculous meal while being filmed for a tv show. (The alcohol helped.)

 I have not foresworn all of this stuff permanently, but I also scour labels looking to be sure the things I am eating are raw and sprouted and . . . things I had zero idea about five days ago.

I am off coffee, mainly because I am concerned about the acidity on a relatively empty stomach.

And alcohol is off the diet until I see the LDF, and maybe even then.

I started this to detox my body and my life, to jump start my diet and weight loss, and to get back into control.  I had been out of control and I was hormonally depressed and I needed a fresh start.

Now, I have one.

I am hoping to lose two more pounds over the next five days when I have to travel to see the LDF. That way I’d at least weigh the same as I did the last time I saw him (in March).  I’d love to be less, of course, but just getting there is a huge milestone. It’s worth the irritations of altering my social life and reconfiguring things. 

I am spoiled and I’ve been lazy about eating right and taking care of myself. I’ve been living, after so many years of feeling deprived. (I wasn’t really, ever. I was destitute and still eating in the best restaurants in town, thanks to dating exceptionally well.)

But, now I am on the straighter and narrower path: doing this secret raw vegan thing, secretly non-drinking, secretly non-coffee-ing.  I say secret because I lead a rather public life and people pay attention to where I dine, and drink, and party. This change is a big deal for me, temporary though it might be.

I weigh 20 pounds more at this moment than I did when I felt and looked my best. That was 117, a small size 2, with a body that showed the amount of time I spent on a ballet barre.

Now, today, I am at 137, which is a weight I cannot believe. I am a size four, but I look fuller in the face than I want.

This is mostly in my head. My friends think I look better now. Everyone thinks my best weight is 128. I prefer ever thinner. 

My goal with this diet is 122, which means really 118, with 122 as the highest weight. I maintained that for years and years. With 15 pounds to lose (and then another four for good measure), I will be back to looking exactly as I want to look. 

I am fine now, and, intellectually, I know that. I date extremely well: handsome, young, accomplished men are the only ones who ever talk to me. I essentially get cast for parties (this is a thing that happens in the world now). In other words, my world has not changed with 20+ pounds of extra weight. I am not doing this to lead a different life. I love my life.

I am doing this for me.

Five pounds down, fifteen more to go.