While things with the LDF soldier on, it’s been hard in the wake of his canceled trip. We’ve committed to three trips in three months, but the first one isn’t yet scheduled.
I was feeling separate and apart from him, until last weekend when he connected with me lovingly and ardently, which helped keep me engaged.
But, I am lonely and I know my relationship with the LDF is better when he’s not the only man in my life.
Enter . . . a new guy, a welcome distraction. College-educated, he left the professional ranks for culinary school. Now he is building a little interesting business. His life is very much in transition.
Relatively new to town, this new guy moved here with a girlfriend he dated for a couple of years. They broke up for some very good reasons and their breakup was harmonious enough that they continued cohabitating for a couple of months while she started dating someone new and better suited to her, which is a euphemism for something I care not to discuss here, except to say, the breakup had zero to do with him except saying, um, hey, I think you need to rethink your choices here.
We met online. It was very random. I have had an online profile for years. It’s sort of common in my world and not necessarily indicative of one’s availability. I decided to become more active on it when the LDF canceled.
In pictures, the new guy reminded me so strongly of the Bon Vivant, that I was intrigued: strong chin, broad shoulders, nice eyes.
The day we connected online, I was at a small, private event for a small batch, upscale liquor company. After we had a couple of cocktails, a married friend who has a massive crush on me and the owner of the company took me for drinks and dinner, joined by another female friend of theirs. While there, the new guy was messaging me and somehow it made sense for me to invite him.
Our messages, some 60 exchanged over the course of an hour, are hilarious, with our realizing, oh, yeah, I am at a restaurant /bar/nightclub that’s essentially a big raucous party, sure, why not join me.
The fact that we had never met before did not really occur to me, as, well, I was drinking heavily, and loving everything about this small fun hip place. I was in the ladies room when the new guy rolled in. I described myself, told him my name, as he joked with me that he needed to make this appear sort of smooth, and then met him at the bar on the way back to my table.
He was exactly as I expected: short, solidly built, handsome, very hipster, in the way I find attractive.
We made the introductions to my friends and he — by far the most sober person in our newly expanded party — got to charm my friends. I knew the vaguest outline of what he did, so I mentioned to my friends “he’s a trained chef, who does catering,” which is not entirely inaccurate.
I instantly liked everything about him.
As our time there ended amid a party and a drag show with a speakeasy type feel, made all the more fun as it was a Wednesday, I dropped the two men at their cars and my new friend and I went to an excellent craft cocktail bar, where we had two more cocktails each. Halfway through our time here, something weird happened. A woman ordering a drink got a little close and was sort of draped across his shoulders. We ended up in a conversation with her and her later arriving new younger girlfriend, which also somehow resulted in the new guy and i kissing at the bar. Drunkenly. On a Wednesday.
Oh, and this is a bar I visit often, though I am not a known regular.
Kissing him: awesome.
Now, rather tipsy, and certainly tipsy enough that it seems like a fab idea to drive with him to my house. After we stop for gas.
Making all the good decisions tonight, we go to my house and it’s probably only 1130. We finally fall asleep at 4 something am and end up sleeping until about 730 and then talking for a while. The more I get to know him, the more I like him.
He tells me that whatever else is going to happen, I am taking him to brunch. On a Thursday. Which is rather ridiculous, but my job has a lot of flexibility, as does his. We have a long leisurely breakfast at a little French cafe, talking about life and family and careers. He is fun, and easy, and affable and it’s a blast.
I drop him at his nearby car and we kiss goodbye passionately saying, we should do this again.
Interestingly, we do.
We end up the next Wednesday (he’d been extremely ill in bed in between) with some of my friends, having drinks at a thing. My friends decide by the end that they hate him. I am only vaguely aware of why. The reporter summarizes it as “he got a little too comfortable,” essentially treating my friends far more casually than he should have after only a couple of hours. You have to earn the right to tease people, etc. Or whatever.
We spent the night at his new place. He had been living with his then-ex-girlfriend in a situation that became immediately untenable after our first date. I do not know if the two things were related.
From that point on, we have been communicating daily and he is my plus one for a movie screening that’s kind of a big deal. Likely, lots of people I know will be there. The stars of the film will be there. He initially teased me asking “which movie?” and immediately told me he was kidding and sure. There are very few benefits from dating me, I always tell men, but you will get to go to some cool stuff.
Tongiht, I had an intense dinner with RA at our market, where everyone goes. After a couple of glasses of wine, I was giggling to myself that it was the longest I’d been there without seeing someone I was or had been dating. Then, of course, my distraction walked up, post-yoga, wanting to say hi. I’d messaged him earlier that I was there and it was sort of cool that he rolled past to say hello. I hugged him and introduced him to RA and we chatted for a minute before he headed off to acquire whatever had brought him to the market in the first place — other than the fact I was there.
The LDF is here in about 6 weeks for work. I am supposed to see him in his city in between. Both of those things will impact whatever I am doing with the new guy. He’s not serious and not for the long term, but it’s nice to have someone around regularly.
The bottom line is I miss the LDF terribly and I am enjoying the company of the new guy. He’s no LDF, but he’s here, and available and that’s enough.
As for the LDF, I texted him and called him tonight . . . and heard nothing in return, which is becoming a terrible drag. It happens rarely, but every time it happens, it makes my heart hurt. It also makes my welcome distraction all the more welcome.