This has been a rough week… Busy, struggling to finish this project and facing technology issues — another dead hard drive — and missing my darling LP.
After my backup computer’s hard drive died yesterday morning, I was in a bit of a funk. BFD called me to ask if I were going to our workout and when I told him what was happening, he insisted I go. Fine. He was right.
When I arrived I talked to two of the three girls on whom he has admitted to having an inappropriate “old man crush.” (They are 20/21; he is in his 40s.) I adore these girls and they each teach a class I take. I invited them to the party BFD and I are cohosting next week and they were so excited to be included.
I am excited about the party. I joked with the girls that it was BFD’s idea, but I am organizing it, as “we all work for BFD.” They laughed because it
is true. (I thought about that again as we left together, obviously together an hour later.)
The workout was so hard that I faltered several times, but I am always so glad that I go. It was fun to have BFD there with me, as I only started doing it because of him.
We talked to the girls again at the end, and they watched with interest as we left together. It is a matter of record that BFD and I are “close,” but we never speak of our relationship, or its ups and downs among these people.
I had brought a dress and shoes with me because I had a party to attend afterward downtown, but BFD wanted to drive me home and grab a quick bite, which we picked up and ate by my pool. We talked business and life and he is as excited as I am that my project is about to finish.
He desperately wants for me to be okay. He wants to know that he won’t have to worry about me and that I will be self-sufficient. Once we get there, well, there may be some further discussions…
I walked him out and he stopped on the sidewalk and hugged me close and kissed me on the lips, with his strong, present kiss.
As soon as he was gone, I ran back up to my condo, threw on a dress, fixed my makeup, and ran out quickly.
The party downtown was filled with strangers, people who are the heart and soul of my social town — very connected, very engaged, and a world of which I am only now becoming a part.
(There is almost no crossover to the more established and philanthropic world I share with BFD and N, so it’s interesting to live in a world where I have zero pull and very little name. Though that is now changing thanks to tonight and a different party last month.)
I am older than many of these young entrepreneurs, but I don’t look as old as I am. Everyone was charming and welcoming, and I spend nearly four hours talking to really interesting people about art, about pop culture, about music, and about business.
I felt like myself — strong and interesting and connected. When I have been depressed, I prefer to focus on the external or share little of myself and rest on the laurels of others. But here, I was me and it felt great. It felt really great. I loved it.
I ended up making new friends, or tightening relationships I already had and I left the evening floating home.
I am feeling so much myself lately, so connected back to me, that I am allowing other people to be a part of my real world. I am careful to avoid talking about my relationships because they all get confusing.
Some of these people are aware of or know TNG and the fact that I dated two men consecutively, then contemporaneously, then consecutively, and now perhaps contemporaneously . . . well, I can barely keep it straight myself.
So aside from averring that I am, in fact, single and dating, I keep my mouth shut about my dating life and focus on me — who I am, what I care about, and what I do and have done. It was so much fun to reach out and find great people who wanted to reach back.