Protected: A Note to Myself (LDF)

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“So. Many. [Planners].” (LDF)

My darling LDF is not exactly mine.  It’s a truth of which I am constantly aware.

We live far from each other, we are seeing other people, he is a playboy, I am a socialite with an equally full dance card.

We love each other dearly and ardently, but there are other people in our lives.

if the LDF bothered to check my twitter or instagram, he would have seen the outline of LP sitting across from me: on Saturday evening, with two cups of coffee, two small waters, a man in an elegant jacket, his hand holding a phone.  I was on a date with my handsome and charming on and off boyfriend of more years than we should count.

I say all of this because I saw something on the LDF’s Facebook that shook me and resulted in one of the weirder exchanges in our entire relationship.

And when I mentioned it later to a couple of friends of mine, they immediately opened with um, aren’t you dating LP . . . And everyone else?!

Yes, but that is not the point.

Here is what happened.

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This whole site is a somewhat disturbing journey through my deepest psyche.

It’s the stuff I am working out — semi-publicly — and often, it’s unfinished and messy and confusing.

Like life.

I write more than I publish. Narratives shift and change. Intervening events occur.

Things happen.

And some of it is really really really dull.

I like that it’s dull. It’s an indication of the fact my life is less chaotic.

I can take a step back and realize what’s really happening in my world and everyone else’s.

So, here is an update on Things.

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Real (LDF)


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I am in love. 

I could say it differently, but I realized as the Long-Distance Fling was lying in my arms as he slept that I love him. That I am in love with him. 

His skin under my finger tips felt electric and I watched him sleep, the rise and fall of his chest, his random kisses as he shifted positions. 

He was in my arms, his head on my shoulder, our bodies entwined and I felt joy. Unparalleled joy. 

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