Like everyone else in the world, I am facing extreme stress and pressure related to the collapse of the real estate bubble.

The difference for me is that I have no financial backstop.  I have no salary.  I live virtually hand-to-mouth, which is terrifying.  BP, technically, is my financial backstop — but that just makes my life more complicated. It means I will never actually starve, but I suffer mightily along the way.

Today, he decided that I needed to have my ass kicked a bit to encourage me to resolve an outstanding issue with which we are dealing.  We had a miscommunication on the nature of the issue, which happens.  The longer he is gone, the more we tend to miss things.  It’s sad but true.  We’re still 75% connected when we’re apart, but when you’re used to operating at 90% or more of total intuitive comprehension, that missing 15% can feel overwhelming.

I heard from the new new man today, but briefly and plainly.  I think he may be down because of something that is still extremely cool.  I suppose coming in second, twice, sucks no matter how cool the competition.  It sucks worse when you know you will not be invited to compete again.  It’s difficult since we do not know each other well, yet.  I do not know how he prefers to be comforted in the face of disappointing news.  I expressed my regret and wished him the best.

My only real stress relief is exercise, so I look forward to hitting the trail or “exercising” my demons on my aerobic step.

I have no idea what will improve our economic situation as a nation.  I have no idea if my new business(es) with BP will work.  I have no idea how to get out of this messy financial turmoil.  That’s really what BP is here to figure out.  Sadly, he’s not here, so I have to figure it out myself with imperfect information, which leads to miscommunication, which leads to phone calls where he feels the need to challenge me and to make me fight back.  He keeps forgetting that I am a planner, not a fighter.  His little digs just make me think he’s more of an asshole, rather than make me think of ways to improve myself.  I know who I am and what I am doing.  I know what his role is supposed to be.  He needs to do his damn job and let me do mine.

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