Date fifteen with BFD was slightly perplexing. On reflection, I think it might have been very important. It was relatively short, especially considering the numbers of activities we wedged in.
On Saturday, I arrived at his place a little before 5. In 3.5 hours, we had unbelievably mind-blowing sex, took a bath together that was shockingly unromantic, did a sports-related activity during which I was wounded, and dined at a restaurant of his ethnic heritage.
Overall, there was some weirdness and some awkwardness. I left the date feeling uncomfortable. I strongly felt a wall between us, especially emotionally, although I could not tell if it was coming from me, from him, or from us both. I sort of decided after he dropped me off and kissed me in the car, that perhaps we’re really just dating after all this time. I mean, the sex is amazing, but I began wondering if that is the only way we connect intimately.
After five months and 15 dates, I have no idea how he feels about me. I know he is very attracted to me. I believe he likes me as a person. I know we’re friends. I know he turns to me in moments of great stress and aggravation and I know he turns to me when things are going really well for him, which they have not been for a while.
I have noticed that we are often quiet together and we rarely talk about feelings. Tonight, I asked him “B, how are you?” as we drove back from the restaurant. He said, I think I am okay, but what do you mean? I said how do you feel? Are you okay? He said he’s extremely stressed. Duh.
I called him after I’d been home about an hour and he was working. Of course. It’s late Saturday night, and he’s working.