After all of the struggle and worry, LDF had to cancel his trip at the very last minute. He travels constantly for work and he could not get approved to take two days off before leaving for a weeklong business trip. It is really sad, and not entirely unexpected. I am, as a result, missing him more than I thought possible. Coming to close to seeing him without actually seeing him makes his loss so much greater.
I made plans with him for four months out . . . a special thing that completely coincidentally falls right after the second anniversary of when we met.
I should see him within a few weeks, which will now be a longer, more intense trip. The upside is I will be thinner. The downside is I miss him so much now that it hurts.
That means, of course, that I am actively looking for new people to date.
The young married COO who took me to dinner two months ago without telling me he was married has resurfaced.
The even younger analyst I like very much is chatting with me and making vague plans. He’s someone who will be in my life, in some way. He’s way too young for me to date, but he’s really awesome, exceptionally talented in bed, and handsome and charming. He picked me up at a very fancy bar, while with his friend and his dad, when I was trying to introduce him to my much more age-appropriate girlfriends.
I am keeping an eye on local men who I can date without impacting my relationship with the LDF. I am not looking to fall in love with someone. I am looking for someone I can hang out with, sleep with, go to shows with, etc.
I am still completely head over heels in love with this man, despite the physical distance between us.
I am not upset that we postponed this trip: I had a lot of stress and anxiety going into it. I did a juice fast because I was so stressed about my weight.
I cannot wait to be back in his arms, which is the place our worlds seem to make the most sense. When ever we see each other, we become so tightly connected. Soon, we will feel that again.
The New New Plan 