Choices. (BV, LP, and All the Rest)

Last night, I turned down a date with the friend of a friend (i.e., easy rebound sex) to go to yoga with my best girlfriend RA.  Then I turned down drinks with S and the Software Developer.

I am not sure I made the right choice.

Coffee Shop Thoughts (LP)

My coffee with C was delayed by a couple of hours by a storm and by her oversleeping at her new guy’s place.

While I waited for her, I watched the parade of well-dressed lawyers flow in and out. Well-dressed lawyers makes me think of only one thing: LP. That man can wear a suit like no one else. Mostly because his suits are awesome.

Healing

I have amazing friends.

In the aftermath of what happened, they embraced me and made today a really positive day, which got much much worse before it got better. I got hit with two financial things . . . and I was saved from the most unexpected source.

I am leaving this awful few days with a new commitment to myself and to fixing some fundamental problems in my life.

Raw (BV)

It’s all too raw right now.

BV and I broke up last night.

It was in public. It is devastating. He said to me at the end: “I love you. I promise, I will call you tomorrow and we will talk.”

He didn’t.

I am actually stunned by what happened and I cannot quite process it all. I don’t want to relive it either. Below are text messages I sent to my cousin T starting around 530 am when I couldn’t sleep, and she was up.

Weekend Plans

This is my first weekend since I’ve decided to take myself off the market. It’s also a weekend when I need a date for a thing.

Technically, of course, I am seeing the Bon Vivant. But, I’ve not heard from him since late Sunday night.

My choosing to be off the market has to do with BV, but it’s also about simplifying my life.

“You out?” (BV) Sunday

A fair warning . . . this is rather adult.  Proceed at your own risk.

We get upstairs and sit down and we have the talk, which I have been trying to have with him for about 8 days.

I sit him on the sofa and I sit on the upholstered ottoman opposite him and say, okay, this is why I called you last week.  You’re among the very small group of people I trust enough and I thought you’d be upset if I didn’t tell you I was in trouble.  I thought it was within the bounds of our relationship and I did not need you to save me.  It was an expression of trust.  He got it, I think.  He seemed to understand it and a lot of the stress and tension melted away.

“You out?” (BV) Saturday edition

Saturday found me nervous and anxious because I had agreed to go to the Chef’s restaurant for a television shoot.  I was bringing C and the Hot Blonde, per the Chef’s request.

I do my hair, flatironing it and everything.  I even shave my legs, though I decide to go with jeans.  I end up wearing a very French chocolate-colored blouse with a rose scarf I received from my mother who bought it on a trip to Italy.  It’s chic and timeless and I am aware I will be in crowd shots, possibly for years.

[There are upsides and downsides to being friends with a renowned chef.]

We arrive for the shoot. I bus up, as I am becoming a bus regular, and C, who is supposed to bus up, misses it and has to cab.  C has a new job and is making a lot of money for doing not a whole lot, so she picks up dinner for the three of us, too.

“You out?” (BV) Friday edition

My weekend was very strange and ridiculously fun.

Friday was a bit stressful with BFD promising and then failing to fully deliver on his emergency bail-out. He was supposed to bring a certified check for the full amount. He brought a corporate check for the past due amount.

RA texted me to hang out early downtown. We’ve made a resolution to not drink during the week and to lose 10 pounds during January. (So far, I am down 6…) For us, with social engagements every night and professional networking events, that’s much harder than you’d imagine, but we’re doing it. So, I told RA that I had to run an errand and she decided to cut out of her afternoon at 4 to help me.

Everything … Simplified (BV)

I made a decision that may sound counterintuitive given the context, but I have decided to acknowledge that I am in a relationship with the Bon Vivant and, more importantly, to act accordingly, and I believe sincerely that this will significantly simplify my life.

In short, this means I have decided to stop seeing other people or entertaining other options.

For now.

Potentially Interesting (BV)

I noticed the number of friends BV has on facebook earlier when I sent my aunt the link to his page.  Then, I noticed, he was down one.

I checked, as I had to, and it’s his ex-girlfriend who is now missing.

I have no idea what that means.  Nor do I know if this has anything to do with him disappearing on me this weekend.

Of course, it may mean absolutely nothing.

As we are not exclusive, in any way, nothing he does with anyone is an issue.  But his disappearing act on Friday was a little out of character, even for him.

At some point, we’ll talk about it, as we talk about everything.